Emotional abuse escalating into physical?

[NotCrazy]

I got home from work in a good mood today and was greeted by my partner telling me he had done nothing all day and giving me various jobs to do, shouting about the house being dirty (I work full time, he is at home all week), shouted at me for a door being left open.
He then tells me I am negative and miserable, hmm wonder why!!
I got upset about the above and told him he was the one who was negative. I Got some clothes in the bedroom intending to leave, he followed me, raised his fist to me and grabbed me around my neck. He has a horrible disgusted angry look on his face that is worse than any of it.
He has never been physical before in the several years we have been together although has been emotionally abusive and controlling.
I’m just keeping my distance from him. I guess I am feeling in shock as he always seems so controlled even when I am crying hysterically he has this calm smirk on his face.
I have tried to leave so many times and am just struggling without any family or social support 🙁
This forum is the only place I can talk about any of this.

[Serenity]

Hi Not Crazy,

Apparently, physical abuse is often the last form of abuse to appear. It is often preceded by emotional and mental abuse and other forms.

Plus, physical abuse escalates when they think you’re leaving them. The period immediately before and after a woman leaves is when she is most vulnerable to attack.

Is it possible for you to phone Women’s Aid for advice? They could direct you to local support which might help you arrange a safe way to get out.

[KIP.]

This is very dangerous. Grabbing you round the neck is seconds away from asphyxiation. Can you go and stay with a friend or relative. Abuse only gets worse and since he got away with it he will see this as acceptable behaviour. The reason he smirks is because he’s enjoying himself. Can you ring 101 and speak to a domestic abuse officer. Or ring the helpline number on here. Go and tell your GP and get her to record any injuries. Is the home in your name? Can you get him out using the police?

[WalkerInTheRain]

He will do this again. It might not be immediatly but he now feels entitled to behave this way to maintain control.

My ex used to do this. First he’d dress it up as a joke and I’d be released fairly quickly but it eventually escalated to nearly losing consciousness.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hey hun, grabbing by the throat is a massive red flag statistically – please please be careful.

Please get in touch with either a Women’s Aid or the National Domestic Violence Helpline – both are amazing and the ladies on the phone are so knowledgeable and understanding.

[SaharaD]

sounds like the man I married. In the end I went into a refuge while he was on no contact bail.

[Ayanna]

You need to think of ending this relationship.
Speak to Women’s Aid and your GP.
Make sure he does not know because abusers are more dangerous when the victims leave.

Keep posting here.

[Author]

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