Emotional and lost

[little-miss-sunshine]

Hi,

So as I was advised by wise ladies on here before, i’ve been up and down emotionally since I left. At first I was running on anxiety, then I felt empowered and proud of myself, and started trying to sort my life out. I haven’t really cried since the day I left (quickly and without much planning as I had become scared he might hurt me) I’ve been feeling mostly numb.

Tonight I’m feeling really unwell and sore, I can’t stop crying. I just want someone to look after me and tell me things will be ok. I’m trying to say that to myself, but I guess I’m just struggling thinking about the times he did look after me and the nice lies he told me. I feel like I won’t be able to trust anyone again and that no one would love me anyway.

He hasn’t tried to contact me yet, so I can only guess I’ve been discarded this time. I hope against hope he wasn’t grooming my replacement, but he probably was.

Any advice gratefully received. Thank you for reading ❤️

[Reallyconfused]

Little miss sunshine be your own best friend. Ultimately we all have to be. It’s ok to feel lost. Whatever you are feeling it’s a thousand times better than when you were with him. It may not feel like it but it is in real terms.
It takes time to detox – like a drug.
These men make us feel dependent on them with their cycle of good and bad behaviour.
There is a grief from losing something you thought was true – accept the grief of what could have been.
You will move on. It will take time and care of yourself. You are too important to look to him for support. He will not give it and will end your self worth.
You have to live your life for yourself- without abuse and with dignity. You can and will do it. 💜

[little-miss-sunshine]

Thank you so much for the support Reallyconfused. Oh don’t worry I’m definitely not going back to him and that life (done that too many times and last time felt like rock bottom) Just feeling a bit sorry for myself I guess, there’s a lot of other stuff going on as well. Even if I wasn’t so determined, my family wouldn’t let me go!

I guess I just need to fill my time more, I can’t work atm due to illness. I’ve sorted a lot of the admin side of things so maybe it’s just because I need something to focus on. I’ll have a think. Thank you again, I feel a bit better x*x

[Bananaboat]

Numb is how I felt too, we just push on ‘surviving’ and keeping busy until things like illness force you to stop. I’m sorry you’re feeling poorly, I hope you feel better soon. I found looking back at journals/old posts helpful as it stops my brain reminiscing about supposed good times – in my head he looked after me when ill but in reality he made toast, moaned at me and punished a few days after, type of thing. It’s ok to write today off, have an early night and let your body rest. Better times will come again xx

[little-miss-sunshine]

Hi Bananaboat,

I remember you, thanks so much for the great advice again. You’re completely right, actually all he did was make me a cup of tea or a hot water bottle or something. I suppose in contrast to his usual it feels like being taken care of. If he was ill I’d (have to) wait on him hand and foot.

I did write some of the worst things down on my phone, all the occasions he spoiled etc, I will definitely be looking over them regularly I think. I made a list of reasons I should never go back as well, which helps.

Im feeling better mentally this morning anyway, thank you so much for the support, it means a lot. Hope you have a good day ❤️ x*x

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