Emotional blackmail

[tiredofitall]

I told my husband that I didn’t want to our marriage to carry on about (detail removed by moderator) ago. The first few weeks he thought I didn’t mean it. The last few weeks he knows I do but can’t accept it. I’ve had a lot of years having to live with his moods. He has been a heavy user of cannabis since I’ve known him and has quit a couple of times when we’ve been really broke but always goes back when he has money. He insists it has no bearing on his behaviour but it’s like night and day on the receiving end. I’ve wondered for years who the real him is…recently I’ve found out loads about n**********c personalities and he ticks so many boxes but as soon as he has had a smoke, he’s such a lovely bloke but without a smoke, he us awful. I’ve dreaded waking up for such a long time. I’m walking on egg shells, avoiding him, hate long (detail removed by moderator)- first hour fine but it ALWAYS turns. He says it’s my fault because I’m anticipating him bring moody that I cause him to be moody. Anyway, after another fractious weekend where he follows me tound telling me the same thing over and over.. which is that he wasn’t allowed to have any say in our children’s parenting and that I ignored all of his desires on what they should do. Honestly they are such good kids, I’ve had to do my best to counter his negativity so yes I’ve ignored him sometimes because frankly some if his ideas are ridiculous and too restrictive that I thought they’d cause more harm than good.
Today I get a call at work with him in tears. He’s been in touch with a team who listen to him and made him feel understood. They are going to counsel and support him to get a job. So he needs to stay at the house longer so he can get on his feet. All of this is great and I want him to be happy. But frankly it doesn’t change how I feel and as soon as I said that, he switched and wanted me to accept that I denied him input into the parenting. I put the phone down. What does he want from me? I’ve got nothing left to give. I’ve tried everything and now he’s decided that he’s getting help. It’s absolutely infuriates me because it’s making me out to be heartless during his tough times but we forget the days and hours of his moods affecting my whole life. God I’m struggling right now.

[Bananaboat]

Hi lovely. Not to sound cruel but there’s a high probability he’s lying about speaking to those people and/or what they said.

I totally understand about the cannabis use and for years put the jekyl/Hyde behaviour down to that too, he was also a heavy coke user which I didn’t uncover until several years in. These two drugs often go hand in hand as one relaxes them and one gives them the buzz ironic I know. Removing the drug use didn’t resolve the problem (although the nice periods were longer while it lasted) and I just got blamed for his cravings and ultimate return to using. So even if he gets clean it’s unlikely to be the relationship you deserve.

What does he want from you? Complete compliance, again as cruel as it sounds he’s a parasite and you’re his host and he won’t give you up, you have to leave. I know you’re tired and he’s draining you but keep moving forward, watch his actions not his words and seek some support for you & the kids.

Our men sound so similar so feel free to message me directly on here if it’ll help xx

[RedStrawberry]

Hi tiredofitall my ex was the same except with alcohol, he’d drink on a night be awful the next day but then generally be nicer. Then hed just decide he was drinking too much (he was) and stop then hed be awful from a few days after his last drink until he got to about 2 weeks then hed start an argument with me and go straight back to the drinking again and so it would repeat. He also said he didn’t get a say in the parenting but he tried his methods and even though they didn’t work he still insisted that I used them even though they upset the kids and me and he wasn’t there most of the time. Needless to say I didn’t but it was horrible to watch when he was. He wouldn’t accept my point of view at all. Funnily enough he didn’t think the drinking was an issue so refused to get any help

[tiredofitall]

It amazes me how many women are in relationships with men like these. Honestly sometimes I wonder what I did to end up with someone who doesn’t care about me at all. What must it be like to be looked after in a relationship??? Some days I’m just so tired of just struggling to stay sane and focused it’s exhausting.

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