Emotional blackmail

[JJOS]

I am so upset & angry…DD just dropped off after my ex’s contact weekend. After picking DD up with his new girlfriend, I thought maybe that was his low point of this week; trying to intimidate me. Thankfully my friend did the hand over so his little plan didn’t work.

However he has sunk to an all time low & what I can only describe as emotional blackmail of DD. She’s only little & of school age….She’s told me that Daddy says the contact arrangement is unfair on him, that he always tries to send messages & call but I don’t allow him, that I get to spend more time with DD & it’s basically it’s all my fault (in not so many words) & cries in front of She was so upset & confused, & cried saying but Daddy keeps telling me. I’ve tried my best to help calm her & explain things without pointing fingers….as much as I am so d**n upset right now. She’s said it makes her feel bad when he does this.

I’ve sent an email to my ex that this is not appropriate and that I don’t have these conversations in front of her & neither should he. I requested that he needs to stop now & if it continues I will take it further with my solicitor.

How could he involve his own daughter like this? Be all the (detail removed by moderator) roller with me, but to emotionally blackmail his own daughter?? I’m honestly shocked & feel so sad & guilty she’s been upset like this. He’s trying to paint me as the evil parent to DD, where the contact arrangement is more than fair. She’s happy with the arrangement as she gets better quality time with both parents/sides of the family. And I’ve limited phone calls to twice a week during non contact week because he was harassing every day for a call. A year ago he’d hardly phone once or twice a week at times.

[KIP.]

Hi there. What you need to know is that he is deliberately upsetting your child just to get at you. She is just collateral damage. He was hoping to upset you by bringing his new gf which he didn’t have to do. i would never turn up with a new boyfriend to collect my child. When thismdidnt happen and he didn’t get a reaction from you he upped his game. By responding to him you fuel his fire. He will get a huge kick out of your email. He will thrive on the sense of power he feels by your distress. Google the Grey Rock method of dealing with an abuser. If you have access agreed in writing then you could show your daughter this. I would not defend his abusive actions to her. I told my son that I didn’t think it was fair that his dad involved him in adult matters. Keep a journal of your conversations with your daughter as evidence that his behaviour is distressing her. This is actually child abuse. You could also consider taking her to your GP and see if she will talk to the doctor about how upset she is. Get it noted. This is also good evidence and the support of your GP going forward may help prevent his contact.

[JJOS]

I’ve got it all recorded in a diary I find myself filling in on a very regular basis. I refuse to have face to face conversations with him because he’s such a skilled manipulator. Although now I find him turning his tactics to try come across as a victim & he barely looked at me today when I took DD off him. My intent for the email was in vain that he’d take it as a warning that it’s not a acceptable by any means. But I can see where you’re coming from about fueling his fire. I will definitely read up on that method you mentioned. This is my first time dealing with this & I feel so guilty I wasn’t able to protect DD from his manipulative ways.

[Author]

Posts