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I don’t even know where to start.
Im broken. Exhausted.I put on a brave face, at work, infront of people in public.
No one knows that my heart palpitates at his key in the door.
I hate weekends.Originally it was me at the end of his viscous toungue and short temper.
We’ve been together (detail removed by moderator), I’m a few years older than him.
He’s always been very impatient with our son. Never did night feeds. Couldn’t do nappies etc. Played a good daddy infront of people.
Since he was born, my maternal instinct kicked in and i vowed never to leave them alone together.
He’s (age removed by moderator), so thats years of no social life, making excuses, taking certain jobs etc.He has had him in public places such as parks but only for an hour or so at a time.
Im drained.
He kicked off (detail removed by moderator) because our son said something ‘in a certain tone’ that i didnt notice. Threw (detail removed by moderator), told me to clear it up and watched as I did.(not the first time).
Has broken doors, xbox controllers etc in fits of rage and says it was lucky it wasnt our son cos hes a little c*nt.
I am walking on eggshells. My poor boy. He gets so upset. I just take him upstairs and we play out of his way.
Ive been called literally every name under the sun. As have my family (not to their faces).
He is the life and soul, people think hes funny and fabulous. No one knows the truth.
Police have been called in the past, when son was a few weeks because he had me against a wall and then grabbed our son and refused to give him back to me until the police arrived. He went on to blame me and the stress of being a new parent, even though he never done anything with him.
I tell him to leave and he just tells me to f**k off and grow up.
Due to not bejng able to go out, i have no friends and he says its because no one likes me.
He goes out alot. And has hobbies. He comes and goes as he pleases.
Runs my job down, calls me lazy, says my food is c**p, house is a mess etc.
If we argue he wont buy me food essentials. All my money goes on bills. His is his.
Please help 😔
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What you describe is truly awful and horrible. He is an abusive bully and as you say, your son is at serious risk.
You have to get away from him before he damages the two of you even further. Please ring the helpline. There should also be a domestic abuse support service in your town. If you do an online search you should find the site and you can refer yourself to them. They are very helpful and very knowledgeable about dealing with situations like yours.
It takes a lot of courage to make the first step towards freedom, but hopefully posting here will help. There is a way forward and I hope for a future for the two of you to have a nice, happy, calm and peaceful life together. If you read some of the posts there are women who have escaped with their children and made a better life for their family.
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Oh hun, what a vile man. He calls his son a vile name, and is horrendous to you, he is physically and emotionally abusive and uses financial control over you too.
I agree with Iris, please seek help, I know in another post you mention that you are worried about SS getting involved but in the long term you will be so grateful you left this man, and if you contact all the relevant agencies that Iris mentions then SS will look favourably on this if they have to get involved.
Men like these are very good at acting the part to the outside world, nobody really knows what they are like behind closed doors. Expect a load of waterworks and sorries from him next if you make your next move but these are all false, believe me if he was genuinely sorry then he would not dream of acting the way he is to you and your son now, this is not love or being a good dad or partner.
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So much of that sounds like my Ex. And you sound just like I did. I have no children but I wanted to make sure he never kicked off or threw things, so I would do ANYTHING to stop him calling me a name or throwing something.
I would make sure that my outings with friends were in line with his wishes (he had no friends and seemed to think I had to be with him all the time). However, if he wanted to go somewhere, he just told me and went!
However, I was with my Ex less than half the time you have been with your partner. I can not imagine how hard all those years have been.
You and your son deserve so much better. Your son deserves to see that men who treat woman that way will always lose. You deserve a life of not walking on eggshells.
As the others have said, please get some help from the advice line or go to your local womens aid. I took time off work to attend an appointment and it was THE best thing I ever did.
J x
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Thank you for replies x
You are all right. I often think of booking us into a B&B while hes at work, just so he knows i’m serious.
Im not well atm but trying to muster the energy to do things for my son because he won’t.
He’s told me he’s taking him to watch the football next week, for the day, with another dad and his son. I’ve been told to stay home. What if my son needs me? What if he threatens him or upsets him?
I’m always with them to act as referee. I’m losing sleep over it.
He’s had to pick him up from after school club tonight because i’m ill and he said hes taking him shopping after. He’ll be tired and probably a bit ratty, especially shopping after a long day. But he knows im powerless because i am ill.
Ive told my mum and sister about him today.
My dad was very similar to my mum when i was growing up. Hated my brother and still does even though hes (detail removed by moderator) with his own kids.Not gonna let my child be brought up around that.
Hes becoming angry and will copy daddy and throw things. But then obviously get told off for it!
Its very much, do as i say, not as i do!
(detail removed by moderator)
I look at him and just see all the nastiness. He wonders why i show him no attention. Says he’ll cheat if i dont give him more sex etc.
I cant bring myself to go near him. Havent done for years. I hate him.
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Hello Catlover,
I just want to show you some support. Your situation sounds very stressful and unhappy. Please do phone the helpline. You and your son deserve to be happy and as long as you are in the same house as him I think he is never going to let that happen. You can not protect your son from him as he is abusive and unpredictable and it is not fair to expect you to be able to do so as it puts all the onus on you as the victim rather than on his abusive behaviour. All you can do is change the situation for yourself and your son.
You have been very brave posting here and I hope that this is your first step to freedom. Please try not to let him know that you are getting stronger and seeking advice and support as it could make his abuse escalate.
The helpline can talk to you about all your options. Perhaps you could consider going to a refuge where you can be safe and happy or the helpline could talk to you about getting an injunction or other housing options.
We are all here for you.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Forum Moderator
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