Ended up arguing with him- why aren't I stronger

[Starmoon]

For some stupid reason I looked at his Facebook page and days after I lost his baby he had posted about going on a dating site and how it was like being in a sweet shop. It’s literally made me physically sick. I’m nothing. I can hardly leave my house never mind go on a dating site. His page is full of photos of nights out.
I’m so broken that even going to do the school run is hard work. I feel like everyone is looking at me as some s**m bag single mum of two. They must be thinking I’m a head case to have made him leave me so often. I don’t know why I went on there! I don’t even use Facebook myself. But then when I saw that post and another where he was slating me for stopping him seeing he kids… I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to tell everyone why I hadn’t let him see them but I didn’t. I emailed him on there telling him I hate him for what he’s done. Then he replies as the nice guy again saying I’m a good mum and he just wants to see the kids. I’ve told him with his lies to social services I’ve got so much to deal with that he doesn’t know that half of it and once I have sorted out the mess he’s caused that I will let him see the kids just like I’ve always said I will.
And then he emailed me saying he’s written me a letter that I’ll get tomorrow and I need to read it! I don’t need to read him telling me that it’s my fault it’s all over. What the hell els could he say to me that I haven’t already heard

[Starmoon]

Oh god I told him I didn’t believe he’d written a letter(detail removed by moderator) It’s going to be the same old c**p. He’s going to be saying all the things he said to me the day he wouldn’t give our band back. All the stuff that makes me sit on the floor in tears! What the hell- why would he do this!!

[Starmoon]

I wasn’t going go read it but he emailed threatening to give it to the social worker for me to read but said there was private content so it made me think he’d put things in it that made me sound bad in regards to the children.
So I read it… He’s basically said the same as he always does. It’s all blamed on me, saying I’ve got issues and don’t understand things like a normal person.. After we split I spoke to his (detail removed by moderator)- I admit that I told her about allot of the things he’s done and I sounded like a complete b8888, I didn’t come accross well but I was really angry and upset. He mentioned that in the letter… And a few other things about how he tried to make it work and it was my lack of understanding. I sent him I tirade of emails in response. For once I held my own and didn’t take all the blame but the fact that I ended up in conversation with him is bad enough. (detail removed by moderator). He’s basically said I was miserable every day and that made him unhappy

[White Rose]

Don’t beat yourself up about it.
Just go no contact again.
Don’t respond to his statements.
Don’t read the letter but don’t destroy it either. All this is him extending his abuse and control and could be seen as harassment and you may need to get him to stop by involving police. All evidence will be useful if that’s the case.
Most (probably all) of us fail at no contact not once but several times, but eventually you get stronger and manage it better.
Those who you think are looking at you thinking bad of you are probably wanting to come over and talk but don’t know how to do it. Keep strong. You are a great mum and will get through this.

[godschild]

Hi, I have been told many times that I an not normal in my reactions and emotions and that I need to go somewhere to learn how to behave. The truth is that its them that are not normal in the way they see us and their weird expectations in life.
They emotionally upset us them blame us for being emotional.
They do not like us telling anyone what they do, if yo are upset you have every rights to talk to someone however it comes out that does not make you a b***h.
I get told im never happy etc who would be living with them.
They turn it all around onto us.
Saying it had personal things in was to make you read it, rip it up or better burn it and ignore it.
Can you have an order that he can’t contact you to stop him doing this.
Its a pity yo have responded with a tirade of e mails, I can fully understand though , I am the same, they deliberately get to us and upset us and it triggers something, but he will use the fact that of the e mails to say its not normal, this is what I get, you sound a lot like me in how I can react with emotions, its because of what the have done to us and they love to provoke us.
They want to shift blame all of the time, I was told yesterday that my disabilities are the cause of his “anger “,he will not call it what it is abuse, they use anything and everything to avoid looking at themselves.
You are toatally normal just as I am, they have minds that are sick and twisted to the truth,so to them we are not normal.
Have you read any of Patricia Evans books ,she explains that we live in reality one (normal) and they live in reality two (their own unrealistic world, with unrealisitc views ) Amamzon sell her books, if you google her name you will find them, they help you to see how their minds work xx

[Starmoon]

Thank you gods child and white rose. you’re always so lovely to me and when you’re going threw so much yourself!
I defiantly respond with emotion. I wish he didn’t have such effect on me. I am currently reading the abusive relationship by her- it’s amazing! I’m slowly reading it as I don’t get much chance with the children and work.. I also want to take it all in and have made notes on it too. It it the first book I’ve found that truly makes sense to me especially with the reality one and two. I fully realize I need that selfesteem to be able to set healthy boundaries. Xx

[Author]

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