Endless phone calls/another country

[Mellow]

The phone calls are endless some of them are from his home country women I had a listen in on some and it’s a whole discussion about (detail removed by Moderator) I’m wondering why this call is even necessary why is she calling him about that it just dosent feel right.all day the phone is ringing and it’s even worse when some of it is in another language because I think it’s about me.I think there are a few different women but can’t be sure all his technology is password protected to the max.I had a bad dream last night I’ve woke up very angry in the dream I was throwing stuff and crying and telling him how he’s ruined the family my daughter is only a baby which was planned why am I only just noticing the n********m now?we were getting ready to marry !he dosent appreciate me my house is immaculate but he still means when they want to eat food and he sweeps the babies mess up cause he thinks it’s a woman’s job to do all these things .he wants me to be perfect but all this behaviour is new to me it didn’t use to be this bad till he went back home and must of discussed the relationship.because since he come back he says I’m not enough I don’t feed him his cultural dish cause I’ve never learnt to cook it I told him I would but now says it’s too late I didn’t even see the importance of this until recently he had only seemed to mention it in passing I didn’t think it was that big of. Deal as he did it himself.he complained about how I washed up then he started doing it then complained how he shouldn’t be doing it so I never know where I stand.so I’ve gone back to doing it.but because he consciously washes up after him he makes out he’s doing everything he’s not supposed to .I know I’m rambling here I’m sorry about that.but I woke from a nightmare and it was about him and how he ruined the relationship and family all I can think of is why me ?im getting old how would I ever find love in my life I’ve got too much baggage.people will ask about my other relationships this is not the first time I’ve got myself in a bad relationship the last one coherced me to do things I didn’t want to and I did.I think I will be alone for some while focus on my kids and get a job but I’m still grieving the loss of my parent I’ve had to put the grief to one side a while I’ve had family on my back about that .every day I want to breakdown feel trapped

[Wheelgoround]

Hi Mellow, I am really sorry you are going through all this emotional turmoil, he is clearly messing with your head, speaking to women in another language so that you have no idea what they’re talking about and at the same time being disrespectful to you about the what a woman is supposed ti do in the house. It is evident that his abuse has escalated and that is causing you a lot of suffering. I would suggest that you keep a diary with all his crazy making behaviour because this is clearly gaslighting and creates the fog (fear, obligation and guilt) that is making you second guess yourself all the time. Document all that he is doing and read it through whenever you find doubting yourself. All his behaviour is abusive and is designed to control you, it is deliberate.
Please do keep posting here,

I am sending you hugs and love
Xxxx

[calendula]

Mellow i too went from one abusive relationship to another…you are worth more than that and so is your daughter…she will see how he treats you and may grow up to put up with that treatment herself as it will be ‘normal’ to her as it was with me and my siblings (detail removed by Moderator)….i cannot (detail removed by Moderator). The behaviour got worse and worse over the years….he knew i would basically put up with anything even though i’d kick him out i’d always have him back and he knew that i would…(detail removed by Moderator) …i too was worried i was too old to meet anyone else….at my age and with nothing to offer anyone now not even (detail removed by Moderator) i was surprised that i actually had (detail removed by Moderator) men ask me to marry them and they were good men but sadly i couldn’t move on because i still feel like i love him and miss him even after years of not seeing him….this is a mental disorder and i try and ignore this feeling….my life is a million times better alone than in an unhappy relationship which chokes and destroys your spirit….the pain of being treated that way by someone you love is unbearable and will only get worse as the years go by….the longer you stay in the fire the worse the burns are and if they get too bad they will never heal properly

[Mamabrave]

Dear Mellow, you can use the Google translate app on your phone and voice recorder to translate what is being said. I have discovered my husband texting other countless women. He reassures me he doesn’t care about them and is just using them which makes me feel horrible. It’s not acceptable but I still seem to accept him.

[Author]

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