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So the LO is struggling to settle at school. He had been doing so well for the first 5/6 weeks and then turn for worse. He seems petrified, hysterical all night and morning ans through the night waking, he is complaing of bad tummy pains and feeling like he is going to be sick.. im sure its all anxiety and yesterday one teacher said he had told her he was afraid of the other one shouting… has this been a result of his dad shouting in his face last week? The timing seems right.. has it rocked and unsettled him or is it coincidence?
Well (date removed by moderator) was dreadful, so upsetting. We took him in together and he geipped the seats in the car to hang on as tight as he could.. i couldnt get him out so dad had too.. when out he started carrying him and the LO was reaching for me sobbing so i tried to take him but dad wouldnt allow me.. he kept pulling away and so i reached to take him anyway as he clearly was crying for me to comfort him. Anyway dad decided that i was wrong and called me f*n stupid in the car park infeont of people and proceeded to tell me to make him walk and how im making it worse because the LO doesnt want to leave me so me taking him and cuddling him is making it harder foe him to leave me.. i can see the logic in his thinking but if your child is in distress as a mother we just want to comfort them and calm them so they feel ok and safe and maybe that will help them feel relaxed and better about going. Anyway im just annoyed and upset and tired of gettinf the blame, i know its hard and i know there is seperation anxiety but im not f*n stupid and its not all my fault my son is upset, im trying to do everything i can to make him happy and settled obviously all i want is for my little one to go to school happily as he has to go foe years ahead.. why cant his dad see that im not trying to be detrimental? He just finger points this on me all of the time and when im already feeling so upset about it all and how upset my child is the last thing i nees is someone saying its my fault in the first place and i have ultimately made me son too upset to leave me :'( having a good little sob myself now!
I just feel so lousy that my little one doesnt want to leave me and that its something iv done or im not doing and then having his dad tell me thats it my fault cements that fear of failure 🙁 he is my absolute world, he is literally everything to me, i struggled so hard to carry a child full term and the pregnancy itself was very hard that i just love him and appreciate having him so much, the thought of failing him is sould destroying to me.. i try to be the best mam every single day because i feel so lucky to be a mum and to have such an amazing little boy 🙁 sorry just venting and ranting i need to get it out of my system and i dont really have anyone support around me and i cant talk to his dad.
Sorry didnt know wher to put this so put it in 2!
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Hi and hugs to you and your LO
From what I have learn’t on Freedom the reason you child doesn’t want to leave you he’s scared what will happen when he’s not there.
Your abuser is a disgrace to the human race. The best thing you can do is break free.
You need to talk with the school to make a plan to help LO to help settle in, won’t be the only one having issues.
But this is nothing you have done, the blame is completely with your abuser.
FS xx
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Sorry to hear your struggles I know where you are coming from. A child only legally needs to be in school from the term after their 5th birthday so even if yours is 5 this term they don’t need to be there, I know you will want to keep the school place so I used to collect mine at lunchtime and have fun afternoons with them. Makes it so much easier for them (plus it keeps you out of the house. )You will have to speak to the school but explain your reasons for doing so. It worked a joy with mine as they only went to school till noon. The school will say about them missing out on afternoon lessons, friendships etc and you don’t have to do it every day.BUT do ensure consistency. So maybe stick to mon to thur with fri all day.
Also remember being there for 9am isn’t the law either until the term after their 5th birthday. So have a relaxing morning, maybe walk their if you can just the two of you, make it fun.
Also if you can help in his classroom that might make it easier too but again consistency is important.
I really feel for you with you going through all that in the car park xx -
How did this morning go?
I wondered if their dad was awful to you on the way home yesterday after his awful behaviour in the car park.
Are you okay?
Perhaps you could use any free time you have to get advice for leaving him and start making those first little steps. Getting child benefit and the tax credits paid into your account will make it easier because you won’t have so many financial worries when you leave, you could use starting school as a reason and how there are school things to pay for e.g.cake sales, that you need the cash for.
I know them having a financial hold you makes it more difficult to get out.
Best of luck
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