Escalation and suicide attempt

[really-free]

My abusive ex found out I had started to see someone new. My ex found out despite me keeping it very low key and threatened my new partner and myself in an evening of escalating calls, texts, emails etc. I involved the police. He started again the next morning and it went on in to the afternoon.

He then started apology messages and I woke up this morning to suicide note messages. I called the
Police and he was discovered in a suicide attempt and hospitalised. My children and I are petrified of what will happen next.

I have been almost abuse free for nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years and am so fed up. I need advice on what I can do to protect myself and the kids, he clearly feels he has nothing left to lose and I fear what that could mean for us.

My youngest child is worried he will turn up at her primary school to collect her. The teachers have told me there is nothing they can do to stop him as he has parental repsonsibility and there are no formal access orders in place. Child access had been informal and ok up until this.

What can I do quickly?

[KIP.]

Ring the helpline number on here. You can get a restraining order hopefully with a power of arrest attached. Ring Rights for Women for free legal advice but start with helpline number on here x speak to a solicitor too. Most offer free initial advice x

[really-free]

Thanks. I’ll try again in the morning, I can’t get through tonight to the helpline. I’ll give a Rights for Women a call too.

[SunshineRainflower]

What a horrible situation, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this.

It seems crazy that the school would say that given his history of abuse. I would check immediately with the police about this and see if they can put something in place if he turns up at the school. If the child told the school she felt scared and unsafe with her dad I can’t imagine they would let her go with him but I guess it depends on which school it is. Schools have to follow child protection legislation so if your child is in danger and scared they have an obligation to report it immediately and keep the child safe. As well as the helpline and rights of women I’m wondering if social services would help regarding the child at school situation but I don’t have experience of social services so maybe the others can help with this. Well done for staying strong and reporting him.

[Ayanna]

You need to tell your child not to go with him should he turn up at school.
Tell her to run away and to scream very loud when he wants to force her.
She must put up visibly a strong resistance and yell that she is scared and he has to leave her alone.
Train her to do this in secret.
That is the only way to keep her safe in this crazy country.

You are very right with your fears.
Men in this stage of madness are able to commit atrocities.
Stay safe.

[Confused123]

Hi

I agree, pre train your children that they are not to leave with him, tell them they can cry and scream no they are not going with him as they feel unsafe, to ask school to call u to pick them up, get a non mol in place, apply for a residental order, that u have full responsibility for the children, has to be applied via solicitors in court, i got quoted £250 . Seek advice from police too

[really-free]

Thanks for all your advice. I have started a (detail removed by Moderator). Statement made (detail removed by Moderator). Unfortunately I don’t qualify for any legal aid and looks like it is going to cost me a lot of money. Never mind, safety first.

Keeping kids at home for now. Been reassesed by local services and a MARAC referral has been made.
The helpline was really useful and gave me about 10 action points to work through. Getting through them slowly.

Friends and colleagues have been amazingly supportive but I don’t think they can even start to understand how this makes me feel. Lots of previous threats rolling rounded in my head.

I know I need to do all these things, but I know they will all make him more angry. He is a popular chap locally and it is so frustrating to think of so many people who will be so sad for him that he was so low he tried to end it all because I left him and took the kids. I know it’s all a drama primarily for my benefit. I feel like this is going to be a 100 year war.

[endoftherainbow]

limits set by the Legal Aid Agency then you may still be able to access legal aid if you are applying for an injunction to protect yourself from harm (for example, if you are applying for a non-molestation order against your abusive ex-partner). You will, however, have to pay a financial contribution to your legal aid.
family law legal aid.indd – Rights of Women

Just googled this, its worth checking on, I found out that because of domestic violence I can get legal aid for my divorce xx

[KIP.]

Hey you’re doing really well. Have you called Rights for Women. I think a non mol is free if there has been domestic violence. Please keep ringing and asking for help. Yournlocal Women’s Aid may have access to a budget to help with legal costs once an order is in place it gives you some breathing space. Make sure it comes with a power of arrest so that if he breaks it you can involve the police.

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