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    • #19826
      Suntree
      Participant

      Ever wish you could have talked to the partner before you to see what type of person you had fallen in love with was really like in a relationship.

      I’m not sure then I would have believed them. But now currently I wish I could talk to my current partners ex just to get her side of their relationship past and present.

      Maybe because I have fallen into a relationship with more than one abusive person I would like just to know.

      I would make my own mind up anyway, but it would be nice just to talk.
      But then thinking about it if my partner spoke to my abuser, which I don’t mind, the amount of lies that would come from my abusers mouth probably put a strain on our relationship.

      Now I am over analyzing, but I am doing that anyway and that means something right now isn’t right in my life and I don’t know what it is, to either deal with it or let it go.

    • #19846
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Sun Tree.

      Your post spurred me on to do something.

      During my marriage, I learned the name of his ex girlfriend ( who I have a horrid feeling he may have just discarded).

      The town he is from is very small, so it wasn’t hard to find her profile on Facebook.

      I remember seeing a picture he had in his possessions. She was so elm and beautiful. I suppose since seeing it ( thinking back, he may have wished me to see it accidentally-on-purpose) I honk J have felt inferior to this previous girlfriend. I wondered if Si was more frumpy, boring, etc.

      Well, I found her on FB today. ( I won’t contact her.)

      She is beautiful, yes, but she looks so kind. She is married and has a son, and this son is obviously her pride and joy. There are endless lists of her saying how blessed she feels having her son.

      My goodness- if my ex had been with her, how jealous he would have been at her living her son so much! He was with me.

      She looks so happy, and her husband looks kind. I am glad she didn’t stay with my ex. I have a feeling he may have discarded her brutally, joining up the dots.

      I am glad I looked at her profile. I bet if we met, we would get on!

    • #19851
      Suntree
      Participant

      I always think we look at ourselves unkindly when it comes to comparing our self with an image of someone else. Yet we don’t know their journey.

      Like you said she is lucky to have found someone else rather than your ex. Sorry you weren’t x

      I was once told by a friend of mine who was an ex’s best friend and the most gentlest and kindest of men.
      What a lucky escape I had from the ex and how he really didn’t like being around this person anymore because of the way he treated women and his (my ex’s) now wife. My ex seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable to treat women that way and thought others should be doing the same to their partners.

      Then there was the lady who another ex, yes I have had a string of bad ones. Who “stole” my boyfriend from me and then married him. She bumped into me a few years later, needles to say he was not the most pleasant of men. However she too found a good man.

      The I believe current girlfriend of this ex (not the ones above) did try to contact me. I just didn’t see it until too late and she blocked me. He at the time was still using all his abusive tactics from afar for me to really feel as though I couldn’t reply. To be honest I thought maybe he would now leave me alone. But from her contact I could already see the lies he had spun to her about me and the children and he didn’t leave me alone either. I was still scared, more for making the kids life hell than mine.
      I also though well if she is with him when the kids are there at least they might have someone who will look after them. (Always seeing the good in everyone me :-(. )
      The kids if they did see her never knew who she was. Unlike the multiple ones he had at the start of the split.

      What I wanted to say to her was “RUN” run as far away as fast as you can and don’t look back. This man destroys everything he touches and knows the system inside out. He will bleed you dry in ways you can’t imagine and when you are of no more use you will be discharged if you are lucky. He will destroy your family around you if they support you, they won’t know it is happening and they will think it is you who is doing it to them. IT won’t be it will be him. He’s poison.
      But I couldn’t because she blocked me and I am glad because had I not replied for fear of mine and the kids safety I would have carried the guilt that I didn’t protect someone that maybe I could have.

      Now everything I do on line locked down completely.

    • #19854
      White Rose
      Participant

      I wish it had been possible. I’d have run a mile.
      My step daughter told me everything she and her mum had gone through once I confided in her I was leaving her dad. I got off so lightly compared to them. I still see my step daughter more than she sees her dad we are actually really close. I’ve not talked to her mum. I don’t want to open old wounds for any of us.

      • #19901
        Suntree
        Participant

        White Rose. That is lovely you and your step daughter are still in contact.

        Peaceful Pig. I understand where you are coming from. I hope for her sake she stays safe.

    • #19856
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      I often think about my ex’s new partner with concern as I know his grip on her is tightening. I know he is feeding her lies and getting her under control. It’s hard to know it’s happening and not be able to help. I am very grateful to her as I believe my children are much safer while she is around (for now at least) and it keeps him less interested in me. If she ever needed my help I would happily help her xx

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