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Apparently! I’m very difficult to get on with! This was thrown into my lap yesterday. I know I have defended myself from unfair treatment when it became apparent to me from people who are close to me? Certain Family members! who…it would naturally be assumed? would show, if they felt it? love and respect towards me. I have questioned this? When defending myself, quite rightly I believed. I will defend myself if necessary? against outsiders too, any offensive or abusive other who doesn’t show decently appropriate behaviour towards me, in my interactions with them. But I don’t regard myself as a troublemaker or problem maker. I certainly hope I’m not seen that way? I’m usually, naturally outgoing and easy going as a rule and always do my best to be friendly and ammicable. But whilst I realise the world is full of different people, not all like me, I believe we can be civil to each other and good manners cost nothing! I’m beginning to ask myself this question…am I being manipulated? to believe I’m worthless and unliked/unloved by some who are supposed to be… closest to me. I’m led to believe, by being told by a self appointed spokeswoman, who shows regular contempt of me…Everyone feels this way about me! do they? Thinking about it…their attitude/behaviour towards me would indicate this possibly? to be the case! I just wondered if anything about me has come across here? A dysfunction maybe? In my ability to communicate? I have had some lovely and supportive feedback from lovely well meaning ladies here but really would appreciate some help figuring if it’s me? Do I come across as bolshy in any way? Cause I’m missing something maybe? Is my thinking…? Thanks for reading this and go gently on me please, is all I ask💞
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Hey Hazydayz, I’m so sad you are doubting yourself as a result of what has been said to you. For what its worth, I find you to be kind, supportive, warm and compassionate and you are often full of good vibes and positivity, sharing your good moments to boost someone else’s day. If someone close to you is making you feel a certain way, causing you to doubt yourself, feel like you need to defend yourself and this happens more than once, then try to create some distance, be polite but firm about what you will and will not tolerate and stand your ground. One of the after effects of abuse is that we have to learn that other people do not have the power to put us down and dictate what we should/should not say or how we should/should not behave. I had years of being told I was hard to get on with, difficult to live with, never listened, was judgemental and argumentative – I’m not, but I was manipulated to react and respond in certain ways. I am now learning to trust my instincts, to explore what my boundaries are. One technique I have learned is to take 3 breaths before I speak if I feel I am being verbally attacked or disagree with something. It buys time to order my thoughts and to express myself better without reacting – it works for me. xx
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💗Hi Wiseafter & thankyou💐 Bless you for enlightening me, with your personal experience, which saddens me to read but I understand now how this happens. I hadn’t wanted to think that I was suffering abuse from family members too, but it’s true, I know that deep down. I will try the advice you have offered and hope it works for me too? How are you doing yourself right now? Good I hope? x💕 💞
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Hi
I really feel for you both, i have the same thing going on.
I’ve been told for the past (detail removed by moderator) that i am difficult to be around that i am the cause of his problems etc, it just comes out of no where. We’ve been on a day off together and everything has been ok then out of no where he just starts that i’m constantly nagging him which i’m not, that i should have a drink and enjoy nyself. I feel so wortless when he starts and just want to pack a bag and go anywhere but dont know whats stopping me -
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Hi both, it is hard to remember what living with respectful communication feels like and being someone else’s emotional punch bag where they never take responsibility for their actions or words and it is always our fault, is exhausting. It changes us. OK. More deep breaths!! Hazy, I hope the breathing 3 times works for you. I watch videos on You Tube by Meredith Miller from Inner Integration, she talks about responding, not reacting, she goes into the whole breathing thing in lots of detail and I found it really useful. I’m OK, thanks for asking, feeling a bit rubbish today – some days I’m just a hot mess, got to expect that I guess. x
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