Everything hurts

[Anonymous]

Everything is so up and down right now. Sometimes I feel at peace, relieved, calm. Other times, like now, everything seems so dark. I put on a ton of weight during abusive times, it was my armour, and can’t face dieting. I feel ugly. Reading this forum makes me sad to my core. I’m struggling so much with my confidence at work. I just want to stay at home and not have to go out or see or speak to anyone e. It feels like I’ll never feel happy ever again.

[fizzylem]

Hey Landy, its been tough for a while hasn’t it; and it takes time to recover – it’s pychological and emotional violation, cant recall if he physically hurt you as well? So it takes time. We need time to ourselves to take stock and process things before we can let it all go and adjust. You had any counselling yet? Does help, it is healing and it arms us for the future with self awareness. You will get past this, but for now it’s about getting through and giving yourself what you need all of the time.

I find the saying you cant keep a good woman down so very true – we always rise, and stronger and wiser for it. On top of this it’s winter, tis the season we all feel like hibernating! Can you take any time this month? To please yourself? Potter around? Make soup? Slow it down – if this is what you need?

Have you tried journalling? I found this really helped me, helped to spend time with my thoughts and feelings, express these, really think about what happened, why, how I felt then, now – just to make sense of it all really. You need to get to a place where you can see it all for what it was /is and do not feel responsible yet also feel you can see the warning signs you missed and how responding to self is always needed moving forwards.

You will feel ready to shake him off move on soon – when you have done what needs to be done in the present. Do you know the story the donkey and the well? I posted it once before but will post again for you as I really like it for a number of reasons, helps us to see this is just where we are now and that we can overcome adversity x

[fizzylem]

Donkey in the Well – author unknown
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be filled in anyway, it just wasn’t worth it, trying to save the donkey.
He asked all his neighbours to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to throw dirt down into the well. The donkey realised what was happening and cried terribly, but then, to everyone’s amazement, the sound of the cries stopped.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit the donkey, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would ‘shake it off and step on it’. As the farmer’s neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he repeated the exercise.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up and over the edge of the well – and trotted off!
________________________________________
Moral
Life is going to shovel dirt on you. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and step on it, use each of our troubles as a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells if we never give up. I think the donkey shows us what to do when we do not know; and this how we develop the resilience we all need for life.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, Fizzylem x

Yes, he physically hurt me.

I wasn’t able to get counselling because I work full time, but I’m starting six sessions via the staff assistance programme at work on Friday.

Love the donkey and the well. It made me smile x

[diymum@1]

Hi Landy 💕if I remember it’s not been that long for you being out. Last year you had to get rid off his stuff I remember that xx what I wanted to say is cut yourself some slack you’ve been through one hell of a lot. Your human your going to hurt and it’s as much of a roller coaster recovering from being in an abusive relationship as it is being in one xx but that’s for a certain time frame only. The good days will slowly start to get more and the bad ones less. But it is a steep learning curve and everyone is different xx I read and read till my eyes hurt I dig deep and I did find the answers xx I found ways to comfort my self too like mindfulness and it worked xx what I see clearly now is we can’t change the past and I recognise I could never have done anything to have made this turn out differently xx it was all on him. He and your ex will never be happy in his very under developed psyche xx and that’s sad for them xx BUT we do have the propensity to heal and that will come for you. I was the same as you a year out – dont get me wrong it has taken a few years but Ive learned so much valuable stuff from this experience xx I’m not sure if we ever fully heal but through adversity we all do our dammedest to lead the best life we can after abuse xx you will get to that point I promise xx much love 💕 diymum 💪

[Anonymous]

Thank you diymum. It just seems like the longest time since I felt truly content and long term peace still feels like it’s a long time away. I’m just tired of being unhappy.

[diymum@1]

Landy I can only go on my own experience but I personally believed I would recover. Look at how strong belief is look at what people accomplish through belief xx it’s a new year and a start xx try to say to yourself I will recover with every emotion even the painful ones your getting closer and closer to recovery xx I hope this helps I know I had to keep hold off this mantra otherwise I might have gotten stuck who knows but don’t take that chance xx life is full of ups and downs good things will surface for you along the way xx it’s the natural course life takes xx much love

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