13th May 2019 at 12:20 am #78115
…did anyone else watch ‘girl on a train’?
I wish I hadn’t, I didnt realise the content until it was too late, and broke down when he starting shouting at her.
The flashbacks, the brain-bending supplanting of memories across experiences, the insistent blame, the convincing utter belief in the wrong story.
I really wish I could be that girl that can sit on the other side of the train and look forward, in a new direction, but all I can see is reflections of the past and pointlessness.
Certainly no-one ever said ….everything she said is true…sadly it was. That just klled me.
13th May 2019 at 2:50 am #78124IwantmebackParticipant
Thanks for the heads up, I was going to watch that, but won’t, not for now anyway.💜💜 hope you will be alright TS.
13th May 2019 at 2:53 am #78127
I was reading the book some years back and wanted to see it when it later came out in cinema. When my ex found out what it was about, shockingly we never went to see it.
I made the mistake of watching some of it within weeks of the last assault. I shouldn’t have, so I get why you feel triggered TS. Sending you a big soothing hug.
13th May 2019 at 4:32 am #78134
Thank you both. I recall the book and it was at such a stressful time that I wasn’t reading so never did learn the storyline.
Had just been thinking there wasn’t much good media around abuse from the real effect s of abuse, like sleeping with the enemy.
Well this is a shocker. So true.
13th May 2019 at 4:52 am #78135
I’ve been trying to watch Big Little Lies recently. I threw up very early on in I think first or second episode, it was like I was watching him and myself rather than actors on a screen. It’s my own fault, I thought from reading the description it was a drama about a murder and trying to figure out who done it. So I think there is media out there showing the effects, but I also think it’s somewhat new. And I still think abuse tends to be glorified and tries to tell us to “be the girl that turns the bad guy into a good guy”.
13th May 2019 at 7:41 am #78138NovaParticipant
I watched the film & big lies little lies. Both tough to watch though I think its a extremely important way of raising awareness! I’ve had conversations with other women about their relationship issues ( obviously abusive) by using these as a starting point.
In my experience I was searching for years for an ‘answer’ to the situation …never heard of coercive control, so for me..the more raising awareness the better as its so difficult to explain even for us survivors.
I’ve been told about a play called..Smack That has anyone seen it? I can’t find where it’s on at the moment, sounds very powerful. 🌼
13th May 2019 at 7:54 am #78141IwantmebackParticipant
I agree @Cuppa, the more the media makes coercive abuse mainstream the better, but have to stop with the storylines, it takes a good loving compassionate woman to change the badboy. They have to show him going to Domestic Violence Prevention Programmes, DVPP’s, they have to show it takes hard work and commitment from him and they’ll have to show that many don’t/ can’t/ won’t do them or complete them.
13th May 2019 at 9:26 am #78148
Spot on IWMB, spot on
13th May 2019 at 4:57 pm #78170
The ‘romance’ (love-bombing), the princess/princess storylines (man ‘rescues’ woman), and the normalising of ‘bad boys’ and so much more!
I hope many have had their eyes opened a little further through these storylines (like girl on a train) and the cases like that of the ‘Challoners’, all raise the profile and offer insights to the reality of what’s happening and its sometimes lifelong effects.
13th May 2019 at 5:33 pm #78172KIP.Participant
Big little lies. There is a bit in it (spoiler alert) when the kids come in during a really bad fight and both the mum and dad just change in an instant to happy families. I’d never seen that in a film about domestic abuse before and it was something that happened throughout my relationship. I always thought it bizarre but to see actors do it on the screen was amazing and surreal. He was always the aggressor and I would take the abuse but when our son came in my ex would be Mr Happy and I even I changed my demeanour. Something else I would do would be, when my ex wouldn’t let me out the front door I would shout on our son and ask him a silly question or just say that’s me going out and his dad would have to step aside rather than risk our son witnessing him preventing me from leaving. The things we adapt to survive is just frightening.
14th May 2019 at 7:34 pm #78263
I haven’t seen that film, I wish my kids father would have stopped, even the kids begging him to stop made no difference. It was like they didn’t exist, completely ignored, despite them begng and crying, they were as effective as tiny insects,not even that, just like they were there, and then he set about rewriting history,now the kids say it didnt happen!!!.
The gas-lighting b*****d,tearing everyone’s psyches apart.
He always said nothing or no-one would ever stand in his way or stop him.
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