Evidence

[Nova]

..No idea where to begin, as never been though this before.
If I consider court, and that’s something that fills me with yet more fear & anxiety, if it comes to it, I want to be building my case.
Ladies please give me some practical ways I can do this. As with emotional & financial abuse issues how do I prove this happened?..Big questions, and each woman has their individual story…however what do I need to present as evidence?
I have emails, probably not texts from old phones …can they be retrieved? Can old MSN messenger logs be retrieved? The majority of his communication was all virtual…who can help me gather this from a technology angle?
I wonder if womens aid have any support like this? Or who do I turn to?
This is an important aspect of support for women who have been abused.
I’m sure I gathered lots of types of techy evidence over time…though deleted them through fear of him, I need them back.

[Anonymous]

Hi Cuppa, I believe messages can be retrieved by the police. I also think that if you have someone that knows what they are doing old logs can be retrieved from computers. Might be worth visiting someone who fixes computers and asking, if you really want to pursue court. Going forward emotional abuse is not as hard to prove as it was and it usually is a case of he said she said unless u have texts etc. You might also find ifthe police dig round in his past that they can establish a pattern of behaviour, rarely is it a one off with one partner or family member. I keep all abusive texts or messages now although he is very careful to the point he hit me in the face and head yesterday with an object knocked me for six because I wasn’t expecting it then blamed me for being in his space. Although instincts tell me that was a bit of pay back for recent events. So even physical can be hard to prove but that does not mean you should not try, women bring men to justice all the time when they think they don’t have much of a case. The police usually have a feel for these things and will try for you x

[Lisa]

Hi Imagine,

I just wanted to show you some support. I am very concerned about what you wrote about being knocked around the head by your partner. This sounds like very serious abuse that really could do some long term damage. I am pleased that you are getting some good support here on the forum but please do phone the helpline and get in touch with your local Women’s Aid group too. It would be brilliant if you could document this injury too with your local Women’s Aid worker or your GP as it may well be useful evidence for you later down the line.

We are all here for you and I really hope that you can be free from abuse in 2017.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Anonymous]

Hi Lisa, Thank you, I am pretty much on lockdown at the moment not able to have a private conversation or get out. Things are extremely tense as he knows I don’t really want him here. Venting on here helps though x

Cuppa, Well done on getting out, you can do this x

Kip, He would find it he is so paranoid he notices every little thing. x

[KIP.]

Imagine, a hidden camera in your home can catch this type of behaviour. I hope you report every incident to your GP. Cuppa, if your mental health has suffered perhaps a report from a psycologist?

[Nova]

Thanks to you both, makes sense.
I want to gather all I can before I decide…I’m not at this point thinking of court. But should it come to it, as it’s not ‘over’ yet…I will want to be one step ahead.
Any survivors of any abuse know how difficult the process may be, it leaves confusion & anxiety.
If I have black & white evidence + my recall, I’ll feel more secure to proceed.

I wonder if any counseling can be documented, to use as evidence as tons of stuff comes up then.
My memory has blanked out parts of the last few years. Self protection obviously. + I would need advocacy support.

Thanks again

Cx

[Anonymous]

Hi cuppa I would ring the helpline there is no one better than them to tell you what you might expect and how best to be prepared x

[Lisa]

Hi Cuppa,

Yes, Please do ring the helpline and your local Women’s Aid group. They can both help and support you and also help you with safety planning as sadly we all know that ending an abusive relationship can be a dangerous time for Women. You are doing brilliantly. You deserve to be happy and living free from abuse.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Nova]

…thanks everyone for your helpful words & kind support.
To clarify, I am newly out of the relationship…but still have to face him, hopefully through lawyers, re property matters.

As I’m learning more and more through the ladies of this forum and reading up, I am starting to consider options, of justice. I realise this would be court, if I decide on that, so this ..trying to piece together evidence, will be crucial to my case.

It depends on the effect the lawyers letter will have on him, & his response, but I cannot let him walk away from this without letting him know clearly that he’s wrong and he must be told…will see how Strong I feel in the New Year.

Cx

[Nova]

Up date on my situ…in the end an old friend…who doesn’t know about the relationship but has met him, kindly offered to email him on my behalf, my third party.

Just to request that he sorts out the house/finances ASAP..felt better not going to a lawyer, & I can’t afford £200 an hour!

I’m a bit terrified today as the email is going to him, it’s triggered all the anxiety and stomach churning.
I can’t think straight…I left my mobile n the bank, and wandered around blankly mind wondering …just in a daze.

I also had a horrid scan this morning, no wonder I’m in a state! Was so anxious Dont know how I got though I it…feel like I’m back in ‘the fog’ ..
..I was due to take a course as a step forward. Got myself in such a state I cancelled it all, feel like I’m going backwards…not much progress…he keeps affecting me back even though we aren’t physically together, it’s the constant emotional turmoil.

Wonder what response I’ll get, I’m assuming he’s going to gas light me to my friend…and make out I was this & that…he will be mega mega angry…but as I explained I asked him about this (detail removed by moderator)months ago & he’s just totally ignored me. I don’t want to go to court…feel a bit sick and alone today.

Cx

[Serenity]

Hi Cuppa,

The day I called Women’s Aid was the day my life changed. Things were set in motion which enabled me to escape him and to prevent him from continuing to bully me. As I was finally standing up to him, I know the abuse would have got much, much worse ( it had done already).

It’s all too much to deal with this alone. There is support out there. Women’s Aid can direct you to local DV support. You can attend a support group or ma be allocated a temporary support worker, depending on your geographical location. In any case, you won’t be left to deal with it alone x

[Nova]

Thanks
Yes your right it’s just the thought of him I get so anxious I’m starting counselling this week…You know what I mean.. it’s him in the background, I have maintained NC for a few months…That’s good. Now I have to be in contact…Not personally but it feels the same.

I just want it all over & done with, this is the last hurdle.

Thanks for your wise words. Much appreciated 🙂
Today is just one of those rubbish
days….Though a reminder of why I left him…No Rose tinted spectacles!

Cx

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