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My ex never accepts what I say and always tries to manipulate me directly or through our child to change my mind. To the point of sending threatening texts. He tells me and my child what we should do and what is allowed when comes to child contact. He denies he has said things/things have happened, implies I don’t know what I’m talking about, says it’s in my head. He constantly puts our child in the middle which I will not do, refuses to discuss with me & says I just think of myself & don’t consult our child which is concerning and so on.
I advised him I needed to get back to him regarding contact in the holidays as not sure yet and he said I can’t say that.
He tells me if something is on his weekend I have to ask his permission to make a change and he has final say and he’s told our child this.
We have court order with understanding that changes may need to occur, alternative contact can be offered and as child gets older need to adapt due to their social life, activities etc. but according to him it’s his weekend and that’s it and we have to do what he wants regardless.
He’s causing anxiety and distress to us both. I’m not sure what to do anymore.
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Oh dear, I totally feel for you, this could be me writing it.
I have spent years trying to encourage a positive coparenting relationship with my abuser and also to encourage him to form a better bond with our children.But it is simply impossible with this sort of character.
The key thing is contact should be child led and social services would tell you that, regardless of the court order – why am I telling you that you know that its the exes that don’t get it!
The hardest thing is for the abusers to believe it we need our children to speak up but that is far too terrifying for young children.My children spent years believing they couldn’t attend parties if they fell on his weekend. One day I said to them, do you ever think the reverse? That I wouldn’t let you go because its my weekend? The penny dropped…..every weekend is the child’s weekend! The best we can do is empower our children to have the strength to speak their wishes.
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Yes same here, but it is impossible isn’t it.
I have been working hard to try to empower my child but such a lot for them to deal with. Thank you for the tip of looking at it from the reverse when it comes to parties etc; it really helped when I spoke to my child about it.
If you don’t mind me asking what way do you use to communicate with your ex – email or text or both?
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