Ex got married and Bullies

[Bets]

So I am sitting here crying and crying. I had emotional and physical abuse from my ex husband for over (removed by moderator) years. I have been divorced for (removed by moderator) years and today he got married. My (removed by moderator) son passed away (removed by moderator) years ago and him and his partner also abused him. My (removed by moderator) other children attended the Wedding today gave me no details and despite how I told them how it made me feel, because of the life time abuse they still went. I have now sent probably regretful messages and not heard anything from them all day. I think this may be the last time I hear from them. They don’t seem to understand what I have gone though and even now a few days ago my ex still sending me Bullish messages and him and her family all laughing at me. I am alone cos I have no one with me any more and I feel very betrayed by my (removed by moderator) children they know what I had gone through yet they still went and supported him and partner. I am done with it all and just wish he would get his cumuppence for making my lif s**t. Just needed to post thanks.

[Anonymous]

Hi Bets. I’m so sorry that you are having such a difficult time today. It’s understandable you feel so distressed. I don’t know enough about your children but certainly your ex may have been very emotionally manipulative towards your children and that can make life complicated for you and them. If you have sent texts you regret to your children you can always say you’re sorry when you are ready to be in touch, if that would help you. If you are still getting texts from your ex, could you consider ways to limit his access to you so he can’t do that? Perhaps a chat with the helpline for Woman’s Aid might help you consider ways to build yourself up and protect yourself. You have lost a child and that is an enormous trauma to carry, you have survived and lived through so much.Be gentle on yourself. Just focus on doing what you need to get through this surge of emotions. If you haven’t had counselling perhaps you could think about it when you’re ready to, you have suffered loss and heartache and it might help give you space to process things a bit more. These are all just some suggestions. I find books by Russ Harris very helpful and practical. Sending you strength.

[maddog]

Much as we love our children, we can’t control who they become. The most important thing is to forgive yourself. It’s ok to express anger. It’s ok to get it wrong. Nobody got hurt and nobody died. If your children want to support their dad, sadly there’s nothing you can do about it.

My mum said that the death of a child is the worst thing. I lost a sibling and it was the worst thing for me too.

Please remember that your ex will do exactly the same to his new wife. You know the cycle, you understand the dynamics. She clearly doesn’t.

My own children are brattish, largely unpleasant, entitled teenagers who’ve been abandoned by the sperm donor. What they become, I don’t know.

We can ultimately only work on ourselves, and find peace in our own lives. Sending you strength and optimism xx

[KIP.]

Block him on everything and stick to zero contact. Any contact is toxic and he will use it to hurt you further. Absolutely zero contact shows just what you think of him, it’s you having the final discard. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Sometimes our children will side with the abuser for their own safety. They don’t want his wrath as they’ve witnessed it before so they will do his bidding but he will turn on them too eventually when they begin to realise they don’t want to follow him anymore and they can see who he is. Meantime just concentrate on you and keep all this at a distance x

[Bets]

Thank you for your comments I heard from one child today well he is a youmg man and certainly after the events of yesterday had a brain washed attitude to everything today obviously from his Father even blaming me for his Dad’s actions……I hear it often and I also know through friends how manipulatvie these abusers are. I am about to start more counselling as only had Bereavement and think abuse counselling may help. I have now blocked him after the bullish messages from him and his partner something I should have done when divroced (detail removed by Moderator) years ago. I need to move forward I feel stuck keep getting this c**p still from him. But not now I have blocked his texts etc. I just want to live again. Thank you again everyone.

[KIP.]

Well done. Taking back control of your life will give you some empowerment. Tell your kids you don’t wish to know anything about him and his life. You’re simply not interested.

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