Ex husband in contact with child

[maddog]

(detail removed by Moderator)

Basically he’s abandoned our children and this one doesn’t want him interfering with their life.

I’ve advised said child not to respond and that we’ll raise it as a safeguarding issue when we meet with relevant authorities.

Have told them that he’s behaved like this before although this time it’s not legal or police matter as it was then.

We’re moving on, and my eldest child understands that No Contact is the way forward. The younger one hasn’t reached that point. I really appreciate that they trust me enough to speak to me about it. They don’t want their dad to know what’s happening to them in life because of his behaviour.

Not out of the woods yet. Abusers carry on until either they’re dead or stopped. Amy suggestions, please?

[Lisa]

Hi maddog,

As you know we can’t have any discussion on the public forum related to ongoing court proceedings, so I can’t comment on your exact situation. The fact that any ongoing case can’t be discussed with others in everyday life makes an already isolating situation even harder, I acknowledge that.

Parenting when your ex is still trying to exert some control is extremely challenging but it sounds like your approach is working. You have managed to create a relationship with your children where they have some understanding of the reality of their father’s abusive behaviour and they’re able to talk to you about how it’s affecting them.
If you’re managing to facilitate honest conversations and you’re giving them the time and space to process the range of emotions they will be going through, then you are doing all that you can. Survivors who’ve been through this talk of having to “play the long game”; it is far from a game of course, but it demonstrates that we cannot rush our children through this and that the consistent and loving approach, as hard as it is to maintain, will often prevail.

Of course, in the meantime support for yourself and suggesting sources of support for them is essential. Have a read through the Useful Links page under the tab Children for some ideas of where to access support.

Your local domestic abuse service may run recovery groups that might be helpful for yourself.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Maddog

Sorry that you are still having this tough ride with him.

Not to comment on anything legal, but from what you’ve said, you sound strong, and giving exactly the right messages to them.

As a general line, if contact is withheld, it would be up to him to force it through a court application for contact, but if a, any, child doesn’t want to see their father, then I can’t see them being forced to, especially where there is history.

However, it might be worth checking with someone like Rights of Women if you can?

All power to you lady for this ongoing challenge.

warmest wishes

ts

[maddog]

Stalking and harassment confirmed. Next thing is to speak to the people looking after the children about further action. Urrghh!

[Author]

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