Ex introducing new girlfriend to our child

[ChestnutTree]

Hello,

I separated from my ex in the autumn. (detail removed by moderator) and is now renting a flat on his own. He has our daughter every other weekend and on week night / week (his choice).

Our communication is minimal but functional and focusses on logistics around our daughter. I am wary of him and want as little to do with him as possible. He was verbally and emotionally abusive in the latter years of our relationship and continued like this post-split while we were still living together.

He met someone new pretty soon after we decided to split up and I know he sees a lot of her, and has been on several trips and weekends away with her already. He told me yesterday he wants to introduce his girlfriend to our daughter, (detail removed by moderator)

I knew this day would come but I feel unprepared. I want to protect my daughter, and make sure ex is very sure he wants to add this new person to the mix. I don’t know how I’d react in the presence of his new girlfriend. I saw such a horrible side to him and strangely I think I’d find it upsetting if she seems nice. It is triggering lots of memories of the early stages of my relationship with him, when he was putting his best foot forward and behaving like a completely different person. These memories are making me feel slightly sick.

Before he moved out we agreed if either of us met somebody new and decided it was appropriate to introduce them to our child we’d give the other parent a chance to meet the new partner. I do want to meet her if she’s going to be spending time with my daughter. But what do I ask? What do I need her to know? It’s going to be the strangest, most tense coffee date I think I’ll have ever had.

Any advice welcome.

[Mellow]

If it was me I wouldn’t have anything to do with the new woman that would be a trigger and the fact they got together so soon after break up means that they already had something flirty going on in my eyes whilst you were together from that information I know enough and already I won’t trust her round my childthat person may be involved with my child and that’s ok for me to hear a,b and c but as far as a coffee date I could not imagine but I hope it works out for you .you had an agreement but do you think if it was the other way round your ex would be as nice.at the minute they are in the love bombing stage and this might not even last.maybe your just stronger than me.i know you are thinking about your daughter but would you expect your ex to let her come to harm.if not I wouldn’t see the point in meeting her unless necessary.

[Eyeswideopen]

Why would you insist in meeting her first and “vetting ” so he can ask for the same from you?
This is his life, he can date whomever. Your daughter is bound to be around people from his world now. I definitely wouldn’t want my abusive ex to “meet my partner first” s he’d obviously find issues and try stop me from introducing kids or whatever. Have you ever told him you wanted to introduce someone to your kid?

[Marmalade]

I totally agree with the replies you have had.
You are both free to date others and the reality is that you can both introduce your child to whomsoever you want even if the other parent dislikes them. I know this is hard when the child is young, but it is the reality. At least this is an established relationship not a first or second date.
I only see potential pain in this for you especially as you would then have him meeting your future partners. Any kind of vetting of your behaviour/partners does not sound healthy. You are both free to make your own choices.

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