Ex is dating my friend

[Radiantpickle]

Hello all,found out my abusive ex is dating a friend from (detail removed by moderator) and I don’t know what to do, he has poisoned her against me saying I’m a liar and playing the victim and she won’t believe me even though I had a restraining order against him. Just sad and anxious whenever I think about it. I know there’s probably nothing I can do but he’s dangerous and I don’t want her going through what I did 🙁

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Radiantpickle

If you’ve told her all you can and she won’t believe you, sadly I don’t see what more you can do. You’ve done what you can, any further attempts won’t come across any better or be more likely to change her mind, not if she’s believing him.

It does seem so wrong doesn’t it, that he’s dangerous and you can’t protect her. This is a police and legal matter now, especially as you’ve already had a restraining order against him.

I thought when I read the title of your thread that you would be conflicted, and he’s with one of your friends, but all you are doing is showing concern for her and thats admirable. I am sorry you went through this, and now you can see it happening to your friend.

It would be up to the police to act to protect her. I only other thing I might do is speak to someone who would believe you and she would listen to and take seriously.

warmest wishes

ts
ts

[KIP.]

You can ask the police to talk to her using Claire’s Law. But in my opinion she’s not a friend. A friend wouldn’t do this to you. Have absolutely nothing to do with her. This is very typical of an abuser to try to date someone close to you. It’s not acceptable behaviour from either of them. You need to put yourself first here. Abusers will badmouth us to anyone that will listen. They try to discredit us so we won’t be believed when the truth of his abuse comes out. She will find out you were right in time. At the moment she’s in the honeymoon phase when he’s love bombing her. Abusers always repeat the same pattern. What he did with you will be repeating now with her. Zero contact with both now.

[Radiantpickle]

Thank you both for replying and being honest, I won’t contact her any more, she’s blocked me on 2 sites now anyway. What’s claire’s law? The guy in question is a rapist and I know she’s not my friend like you said but no-one deserves that.

[Twisted Sister]

HI Radiantpickle

Claire’s Law was passed as a way for police to give warning to future partners of abusers, because Claire starting dating an horrific abuser, and it was felt if she’d had prior knowledge she would never have been at risk and legislation was passed to allow future partners access to this information via the police, to try to prevent further abuse, in exactly the way you are speaking of.

Keep yourself safe, and I have huge admiration for you doing this after all you’ve been through, its a whole other thing though whether future partners want to hear this, or believe it after having been successfully hoovered and groomed by an abuser, but its a start.

warmest wishes

ts

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