Ex making child contact suggestions

[maddog]

He has suggested about the most stupid arrangement he can think of. He hasn’t listened to me or the children. He thinks we should meet up as a family. Under the circumstances I can think of nothing worse, especially for the children.

Since he moved out he has seen the children less than once a week and very rarely contacts them. He is using them as a tool to get money which is nothing to do with their needs or desires.

I am not responding to his messages as there is nothing sensible to say. He is not making sense. Not sure where to turn.

I have offered him a flexible routine which he has flatly rejected. I think it is important that the children see their dad and get to know him. His current behaviour suggests to me that he is not safe at the moment.

[KIP.]

Hi there. Please ask yourself why you think it’s important that your children see their dad and get to know him? If he wasn’t their father would you expose them to such an individual? This is your time to protect your children from his dysfunctional behaviour. My ex came up with ridiculous suggestions even while not allowed direct contact with me. He wrote via the solicitor. Don’t let his behaviour direct yours. They seem to just ignore their past abusive behaviour and expect everybody else to do the same. No chance.

[Tiffany]

It sounds unfortunately like he is just seeing the kids as a means to get to you. That being the case I think it is probably best that they see as little of him as possible.

[maddog]

He has been ignoring the children and taking the dogs out instead. I told him it wasn’t working and that he needs to stop it. Yes, he absolutely ignores his own past abusive behaviour. It is as though it didn’t happen.

I have now spoken to NSPCC about the situation. They think his behaviour is strange, and his idea of 50/50 custody is disruptive and senseless and so uncommon as to be statistically non-existent.

I will ignore his emails and when needs be instruct my solicitor. I want to avoid doing more than I have to through the my solicitor as it’s so expensive. Rights of Women to the rescue? Again!?

There are times when I would like the house to myself and be able to go away on my own. I really don’t want the children around me all the time, much as I love them. I think for now at least my elder daughter has had enough of her father. The younger child supplies him with what he thinks he needs. He is far nicer to her and blames her less. It’s ugly to watch. I don’t want to keep her apart from her dad if she wants to see him. Obviously she can’t see the things I can because of her age. The elder has more insight although she is still young too.

[KIP.]

You’re doing great. Could you try to build a support network for the kids that doesn’t include him. Even if you made plans to go away and relied on him to watch the kids, he would try to sabotage your plans. Yes, keep using Rights for Women to keep yourself on the right side of the law. their behaviour is dysfunctional nonsense so best keep away from it x

[maddog]

He hasn’t been in touch with the children. I have told them that when they want to see him I will make sure it happens. I don’t think he’s safe when he’s making no sense.

Other things have been raising their ugly head and I have found myself crying in despair. It’s probably about time. I keep on saying I Don’t Know about the kind of thing ‘normal’ people take for granted. This goes way way back and it’s hard because I don’t know why there are certain things I just cannot cope with and have never been able to deal with, and other people see me as possibly even like them. It’s been hard won to get even this far, but there are still shadows where there is no light.

Potential new relationship is good. WA have raised concerns. It is moving at a glacial pace so no worries there and we talk regularly. His work pattern is all over the place so actually meeting up is difficult. I have plenty of time to do what needs to be done and I am under no pressure which is good. I have no idea what will happen. I can’t think about it at the moment.

[Confused123]

hey hun

i think at the begingin i was like the kids still need to see their dad, but it soon became very clear he was using them as an excuse to see me and was very disruptive and upsetting the kids, hte arrangement soon ened,the ladies have made valid points here, dont give access if his not polite and behaving , log everything too

[Author]

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