Exhausted

[Learntoliveagain]

Hi, I haven’t posted anything on here for a long time, but I’ve still been logging in regularly just to get advice from other ladies posts.
The support and advice I’ve received from this forum from the live chat and other organisations has been amazing, finally gave me the courage to tell my husband after over 3 decades that I’m done and I can’t do this anymore.
It happened (detail removed by Moderator) after yet another awful evening, and he is now sleeping on the sofa, but every night when I go to bed he texts me. Saying he loves me so much, doesn’t want to lose me, asks if I still love, can he sleep on our bed it goes on and on. I’m trying so hard not to get dragged in to message after message when I’m trying to sleep. Then he says I’m ignoring him.

(Detail removed by Moderator) saying he loves me so much and this is killing him and how much he misses everything about me. Promising he will change be a better husband, dad and just a better person. He kept saying he knows its all his fault and he’s been terrible to me, but he can change because he can’t lose me. (Detail removed by Moderator).
I know what he is doing but this is heart breaking, emotionally exhausting. I know he doesn’t deserve for me to care and I don’t want. I don’t want to tell him I love him and give him another chance as I can’t keep doing this for the rest of my life, I just can’t….
I cant afford to move out yet and he made it clear (detail removed by Moderator) he won’t move out as he has no where to go.
It’s like living with a ticking bomb, I’m just waiting for him to start shouting/swearing at me, threatening stuff making my life hell once he thinks the messages aren’t working.
Feel totally broken x

[Escapee]

Oh hang in there you brave strong woman!
You are where I was several years ago. Believe in yourself…..you have been strong all these years so you KNOW that deep down you have the resilience and strength to get through this next bit. Dig deep, I promise it’s there.
I can’t offer practical advice other than talk to your GP (mine was a star) as I just packed up and left…..I had no real financial ties (house etc) just a little money to buy me time.
Good luck from one escapee to another xx

[Learntoliveagain]

Thanks Escapee for your kind words and encouragement, and believing I can do this.
I’m definitely not feeling strong right now, anything but….
I knew as soon as I had said I’d had enough my life was going to get really difficult.
It does help knowing that I’m not alone when I log onto this forum and that there is always so much support x

[nbumblebee]

I cant imagine what you are going through. Ive been here almost 3 decades too and my goodness i think you are incredable to have found the strength to tell him its over that took some balls and i get you say you dont feel strong now it must have taken all you had to tell him so its no wonder you feel exhausted.
Mine would do the same he would refuse to leave knowing Id have nowhere else to go.
Could you maybe find the strength to live your life your way ignore the fact he is there? Be polite so it doesnt cause an issue but live how you want to live go work go out go be you show him that he has no control over you that you meant what you said. Yes its ginna take balls of steel but you have shown you have them already.
If you can grab a hand of support a friend collegue family member just someone who can be there for you so you arent alone.
For what its worth sweetie I think you are just amazing and somewhere deep inside you is that fighting spirit shes just having a rest but take a look im certain she is there. Xxxxxx

[KIP.]

Get in touch with womens aid. You can have him removed with an occupation order. Threatening behaviour is illegal. Keep all the evidence you can. Keep a secret diary of his behaviour. You need to put yourself first now because he won’t and he will leave you with nothing if he can. Don’t believe a word he says.

[Learntoliveagain]

Morning nbumblebee,
Thank you for your message and for your support. You must be so tired as well, like you I have taken baby steps to get where I am today. I know you’re not quite there yet (you’re so much stronger now though),believe me you get to a point that you just don’t care anymore, and the thought of spending the rest of my life feeling like this was too much.
I’m not going to lie the last few days with constant texts messages telling me he will change and he won’t lose me is wearing me down. I’m struggling not to keep breaking down in tears at work, if I can’t find the strength to cope with him doing this how will I cope when he changes to being nasty.
I’m going to try and keep things at home as polite and quiet as long as I can (back to walking on eggshells) just to give me a bit more time.
Thank you for saying I’m amazing, I’m not though,I’m feeling like a coward because I want to tell him to stop messaging me and I don’t love him and I want him to pack his bags and leave and that he lost me years ago. As much as I am screaming the words in my head I’m worried about his reaction.
So for now I will get my little strength from your support and all the other incredible women on here xx

[nbumblebee]

Yet again me too. My god id love to tell him to just f**k off and leave me alone that im done with his bullying his nastiness his hurtful comments his controlling behaviour and his constant demands for sex and that he makes me feel so sick and s****y that i taje it out on myself cause im just too scared to take it out on him oh i just wanna scream it at him so b****y loud and then i wanna run and run fast and far and never come back. But i dont either. So sweetie you are not alone I know it doesnt help but I wanted you to know. Stay strong cause you are strong sweetie you are x*x

[Learntoliveagain]

Hi KIP
Thank you so much for the advice, I have started to right a journal with dates/times etc.
I hope things never get that bad that I have to have him removed from the house, god I can imagine his reaction to doing that.
I’m really trying to remember and focus on how the abuse cycle works and that is what is happening right now. So hard…

[Learntoliveagain]

*write not right

[Author]

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