Exhausted…

[Ladystar121]

My husband is a n**c – which until recently I just though was a fashionable word to use on social media. It isnt the descriptors are him down to a T. I see him for who he is. We have been together since I was young and I’ve always thought I could save him. We have children on the outside We have a lovely life. I have recently realised its all a lie. His entire life is a lie and the worse thing is he believes in all of the lies.
He’s supported me (lies) he’s a fantastic dad (lies) his sexual perversions are normal and I’m the frigid one (lies). I see through him. He fights the world to make himself feel better and its all lies.
I’ve been gearing myself up to leave him. My children are old enough to understand his manipulation. I am stable enough to know I can be on my own and support us.
Then bang. He’s been diagnosed with (detail removed by Moderator). If I hadn’t been there when the doctor told him I wouldn’t have believed him… his web of lies has me that insecure. He is waiting to see the specialists. There are three options. They leave it… and it never grows. They perform surgery / radium and it could (detail removed by Moderator) or it grows and he dies. (detail removed by Moderator)
I feel like the most terrible person in the world but if it were just me to consider I would hope he just dies. But I don’t want that for my children. I lost my bearly there dad at a young age and it made me unwell… I don’t want that for them.
So I’m either left having to stay with him because imagine the manipulation… she left me when I was diagnosed with (detail removed by Moderator). He would make me out to be the worse person in the history of the world. So I have to stay with him as the n**c abusive person he is now. Or he has treatment and I have to look after him in recovery. Looking after a man I don’t love.
I know I sound callous. I am. I have no feelings towards him. I don’t want him to die for the sake of my children. He could be (detail removed by Moderator) and that be it for the rest of my life.
He needs to bring in a wage or we need to drastically change our lifestyle. Again a huge worry.
I’ve been abused. I know that I understand it. I’ve got limited memory recall because of what he has put me through. I cringe at every thing he says. I don’t tell him how unhappy I am as he can’t take any form of rejection and it turns into a war so I just don’t say anything. I wonder if he even knows?
He has no family obviously as he’s driven them all away. No friends. Just me… and my family who can’t stand him but support because of my children.
I don’t know what I’m asking for I just needed to vent the situation to people I hope will understand… and not judge me.

[nbumblebee]

Nope not callous not bad and no judgement at all we get it.
I certainly do as nasty as it sounds I often think the only way im gonna be free is if he dies so I gwt it I really do.
Im so sorry you arw going theough this my gosh its heartbreaking to read. I dont kniw what to say what help to offer you. I wanna say if you were ready and set to leave then still leave allow his fanily to look after him but I actually know deep down you most likley wont just like i wouldnt.
Honestly im shocking at advice i cant even help myself but I just didnt want to read and run. I wanted to let you kniw here you can vent away talk away as we gwt it. Sending you much love n hugs x

[beachhut]

Morning. I am so sorry to hear of your situation, what ever you do will be judged as wrong by someone. I would suggest you now get as much help as you can from medical professionals and organisations who deal with your husband’s diagnosis to point you in the right directions as to what is on offer to help you cope with what is going to happen in the short term if operations and ongoing treatment are needed and in the long term. I know you cannot predict an outcome to any illness but it is best to be prepared for any eventuality.
You are not callous, you are just human, why people think they are entitled to abuse their partners I will never understand, and when something goes wrong in their life it is as if they have a right in their eyes to be looked after and all the things they have done should be forgiven, because they are ill, there are some things that can never be forgiven or forgotten. You have your own life and that of your children to take into consideration, you must do what is best for you, let people think what they wish you know the life you have been living, and why should you be tied to someone who has no respect for you. Take care.

[–Titanium–]

Hi. What a difficult situation, sorry to hear you are going through this. I know this may sound harsh, and maybe it’s because I’ve had enough of the years of abuse myself, but there will always be something to keep you there. If you have the strength to leave, don’t let this stop you, at the end of the day, you will also be suffering from the abuse that will continue, and will likely to get worse. Keep posting and stay strong, and if you need to talk, feel free to message xx

[Hereforhelp]

Hi there, you have suffered for years, have given more than enough of yourself, you owe him nothing. Get as much support as you can to help yourself whether you remain for now, always or leave. You are unhappy in your marriage and see the abuse foe what it is, I totally relate, after decades I found out that my husband had lied to me, our children.. he lied about everything and I was young, I had no reason to not believe him. It never felt right to leave, like you I was done. My ex also had no family, not even one friend and he ridiculed my need for friends (I now know he was isolating me as I too know what abuse is).
I am so sad for your situation and no, you’re not callous (I wished my ex dead many a time, so as to be free). You have one life, ypu do not have to stay and be a dutiful wife with expectations of nursing him, has this been discussed or is that the expectation?
Stay strong, sending hugs HFH ❤️

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