Exhausted

[Chocolatebunnie]

I know Im posting again, but Im struggling and I have chased my referal for support having been assessed for CPTSD. No answers just told to ring samaritans and wait in line.

Last weekend was a absolute rollercoaster of emotions and I’m exhausted

Ive spent a few days with him this week and Im on edge, he is just not normal. His opions, view of others, how he percieves the world. How he sees me.

It feels like a battle to be around him and its like banter between us from an outsiders point of view but it is actually not funny, if that makes sense. And it hurts.

Hes either moody and not nice or joking and being sleazy.

I do speak my mind and thats not helpful, it is what it is and its not going to change.

He was actually not so bad when we needed him this week for something big. But what I mean is he wasnt absolutely awful. He did hurt our childs feelings on a journey to a very important meeting. He is insensitive and self centred. He did upset me too but i can deal with it.

Im trying to be happy in a situation where i just truly cannot be.

I just cant unsee what I see, still stuck but exhausted for being here.

At least I know why and can understand my anxiety, sadness, frustration.

I need to not think anymore about how to deal with this for now as our child is going through something life changing and we need to keep things structured if you can call it that.

I just keep hoping that things will get better, but how can you heal when you are repeatedly being hurt.

[Chocolatebunnie]

Just wondering if I should contact local services for support.

Thing is im not in a position to get out of my marriage as theres too much happening, but Im struggling.

I have been with them a few times already, and I dont want to waste their time.

Im not sure it will help as I feel pressure to leave when i get in touch.

[Discombobulated2022]

Oh I’m sorry to hear this! It is utterly exhausting. Thing is despite needing to stay together for I’m sure very valid reasons, the emotional turmoil is so damaging to our mental and physical health. Can you get away for a few days just to have a breather? Friends? Family?

[Bananaboat]

If you had a broken leg would you go to A&E? Of course you should reach out for help. You’re going through a lot, being abuse doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for help – despite what they’ve conditioned us to think.

[Chocolatebunnie]

I’m sorry Bananaboat I know I have gone on and seems a stupid question maybe but I just feel confused, worn out and yet still not in as bad a position as others.

just feel that I’m wasting peoples time to keep going back to get support and no intention just now to separate from him it’s too complicated at home for now

Been on here so long now I should’ve sorted things by now

[Bananaboat]

Nothing to apologise for!! We live in constant fear and brain fog in these relationships, and he’s conditioned you to think you’re not deserving. Society still doesn’t treat mental health like physical health yet although it’s improving, which is why I compared it to a broken leg. It doesn’t matter if you leave big bang, take years, or never leave, you don’t need to apologise for posting or asking for help.

Think of yourself like a car – it needs petrol, oil, regular mot & servicing to keep going whether it’s driven on a brand spanking newly laid tarmac perfect road by a chauffeur, or our version with pot holes every 100 metres and the wipers hanging off, driven by a crazy driver (him) 😉 x

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