Exhausted and fed up

[Anonymous]

I don’t even know where to start really, but i know that if i were to say this to anyone outside of this community, or if they had heard him say it themselves they would think i am bonkers for being affected the way i have.

Went to bed last night and wouldnt let me finish what i was doing on my phone (was important) as he had his hands between my legs and even when i asked him to give me a minute he wouldn’t stop. I didn’t tell him to stop, but i did show i was a bit annoyed that he wouldn’t give me two minutes to put the phone down. I also had the thought at the time that if i didnt just stop what i was doing and be intimate with him he would make me feel horrendously guilty by saying that i obviously don’t fancy him etc.

This morning he was saying that he couldn’t tell if he had satisfied me (even though i know this isn’t true – sorry to be graphic) but that he knows it must be difficult as we have our child sleeping in the same room. Its like this backwards comment is made to make me feel bad about things even though there was nothing wrong.

I reminded him of the time, he’s never late for work and had become distracted on his phone, and he made a sarky comment about how i can’t wait to get rid of him and how Ive already started working on a (detail removed by Moderator) night so we can’t go on our date nights! Ive had to take whatever hours work can give me so that i have some financial freedom from him and had already spoken to our babysitter about doing another night so we can still go out.

Why do all of these, small, innocuous comments make me hurt so much? He never says this stuff in front of others and it makes my anxiety go crazy. Its never said in a nasty way and i know its deep down insecurity but after more then a decade together where i have never even looked at another man there really is no need for it. His insecurity is exhausting me, to the point where today i just want to sit and cry.

Hugs to all, and sorry for the moaning x*x

[Suntree]

Hugs. Its the little things that add up.
It is us doing things we don’t want because if we don’t the other option is worse.
It is the not respecting us to let us finish something that is important then deal with them.
It is not answering a question you know is a loaded one either way designed to cause a fight.
It is dragging you down so he can feel better, bigger, in control.
We all have times where we are insecure but it is how we deal with it that makes the difference.
Moan away

[Author]

Posts