Exhausted and overwhelmed

[swanlake]

I’m feeling exhausted and overwhelmed at the moment with caring for a family member. I’m now wondering if past trauma from abuse is affecting me.
For example my relative is so gentle and not demanding, but social services have told me that I need to be more proactive and keep contacting me telling me that I need to do things immediately. Today it was to do with repairing a window, last week deep cleaning, bread and milk shopping, the week before something else etc etc.
I spent decades in a relationship where i felt that I had to pander to my abuser’s whims immediately and I’m finding it really hard to have daily phone calls, appointments, errands etc to do with my relative from people who seem to think that I have no needs of my own.

[minimeerkat]

hello swanlake
yes it could very possibly be that you are being reminded of how you were treated before – would it help at all to try reminding yourself that you arent dealing with the abusive partner though in these particular circumstances. because if your feelings are being triggered in this way theres a chance it could be contributing to any exhaustion
the only thing i can suggest is that in some small way you try to feel a bit more in control of what is being asked of you – is it possible at all to prioritize urgent demands only & do others when you are rested & able to – insisting that others are aware that you are feeling quite exhausted & overwhelmed by it all
and is there anyone else at all who can provide some additional help with this relative
all i know is that if you arent taking care of yourself you will be unable to take care of others
your needs are just as important x

[swanlake]

Sadly I’ve already told social services several times that I’m unwell and not able to do all the tasks required for my family member and it’s impacting my and my husband’s health. They just continue with their daily requests. That’s familiar to us who have experienced abusive relationships!
(detail removed by moderator)
I contacted an advocacy service to try to find a buffer between us and social services and they just sent a generic information email reply.
I’m grateful that my local carers services are good at emotional support. And I’m grateful that my family member has consented to home care to help with daily things like eating and personal hygiene. I’m hoping that I can lean on them for some more support. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow so I’ll see if they can help me in some way too.
And it’s good to have support here, thank you for replying.

[Author]

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