Explaining to your children

[Icecreamsundae]

Why tips do you have for explaining to the children about why you are divorcing and they don’t see their father?

My kids had witnessed violence and arguments but it was so normalised for them that they seem to have forgotten it. They have regular calls with their dad but nothing in person for a few months as he’s been out of the country and today is the first time they became upset about missing him.

I was asked why we need to get divorced, did I decide it or did daddy want to too, and why can’t daddy come home. I feel really bad for them that they feel this and I want to help them understand, but also without looking like I’m blaming him.

To be honest, I resent the fact that after all the abuse and finally being able to find a safe way out, he gets to be the nice guy who wanted his family to stay together and frequently talks about missing his kids, while I’m the bad person and can’t fully explain it.

[KIP.]

Talk to your local women’s aid. They may offer programmes for children who have witnessed abuse and can help you to explain how to deal with them. Lundy Bancroft has a book called when daddy hurts mummy. It sounds like he may still be emotionally abusing them.

[Icecreamsundae]

Thank you, my daughter has just started counselling and my son is on the waiting list. There didn’t seem to be anything for their age groups in our area when I’ve asked previously, but I will get back in touch with women’s aid again.

I’m tracking what is said to them and it definitely feels like there’s manipulation still happening. So far he seems to think he can wait out my anger (detail removed by Moderator). I just hope he is able to develop a little bit of insight

[Author]

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