Ex’s suicide, still getting triggered

[Ayla Doni]

Here I am once more, among the people who get it.
Just over (removed by moderator) years ago I split with my ex.
He threatened to kill himself and me with him while threatening me with a knife. Shortly after he committed suicide.
I had support for the DV aspect of our relationship but never any for his death. Not many people understood that I needed help for getting over his death, his family blamed me and banned me from the funeral, friends and family were glad he was dead. One person understood, (removed by moderator). As nature would have it, we ended up in a relationship.
Fast forward to the present, (removed by moderator) years on from the death. Turns out his friend is also a n********t, not in the same league of DV as the ex, but still not a healthy person to have in my life. The final straw with him being recently I was ill and he was resentful that I couldn’t go home when planned as I was too ill. I was eventually fairly tipped out of his place the following day and haven’t spoken to him since – one brief text about an item he had of mine.
Now, he’s had two of my pets at his, I would like to retrieve them. I know he’s unlikely to threaten me with violence if I go back to deal with it. Yet I’m terrified, completely triggered, anxious mess, I can’t go back and face to face tell him what I need to.
I’ve moved a long way to get away from the memories and complications of the previous situation and to be nearer this bloke. I have no close friends nearby.
There is no solution, I have to face him or abandon the pets.
Thank you for listening 😊

[KIP.]

Hey there. Isn’t it unbelievable that people can take advantage of vulnerability. And at least you have recognised his behaviour. I’d ask a police officer to go with you to retrieve your pets. Do you have a key for his house? You definitely need support. Let the police go to his door and bring the pets out. Tell them you’re scared of this man x

[KIP.]

It would be worth contacting your local women’s aid too for support.

[Ayla Doni]

Thank you kip. I will contact my local women’s aid, thank you for promoting me to look them up. I’m wary of actually involving police, am racking my brains to think of someone I could take instead. Sadly he flew under the radar, he got in because I knew him already, little did I actually know him. I do feel taken advantage of, I was very vulnerable, probably still am but don’t like to admit it. I let him in because he wasn’t as overtly abusive like the previous bloke.
Thank you for responding, it’s been a very lonely process dealing with the whole thing.

[Ayla Doni]

Prompting not promoting

[KIP.]

Take strength from what you’ve been through already. You’re stronger than you know. Just reach out and ask for help when you need it and lean on women’s aid for a while. Take the support and help while you’re still vulnerable. Try to eat and sleep and don’t take on any new stresses. Baby steps again x

[fizzylem]

Have to agree, get your pets back with support, send someone else to get them. Maybe google to see if there is a Cruse Bereavement service in your area, as they will understand how you feel completely and help you to resolve these feelings; sometimes suicide is one last violent, aggressive attack, although it sounds like he may have managed to get some of his family and friends to carry on with his work as well here x

[fizzylem]

Poeple often need to blame when they feel a loss; but this should pass though; was his life and he chose to end it and we all need to respect this x

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