Extremely nervous of creepy woman

[teatime]

I work with the public I cannot say really in what capacity but its a service industry under the umbrella of a huge parent organisation.
At the end of the year ( as last year) this one woman threw a luncheon party for her colleagues and me. Let’s say I am the leader, but they are benefitting from my leadership and pay to do so.It’s just a job to me but they probably get more out of it… including having their work showcased. Of course she submitted loads groan.
I didn’t want to go very much as I also went last year. This woman has a history of persistently contacting me despite me telling her to go through the organisation she will occasionally contact me via Messenger.
I disliked the food it was really expensive and mad and OTT and actually I think she had flu and should have cancelled because I ruddy caught it. This is typical. I felt sorry for her as she has a disability ( so do I) so have been always kind but professional.
I ahd to arrange a display of their work
She is always trying to contact me on pretexts or to arrange ‘meet ups’ and even offered very pushily to arrange a venue for me to use for her and the group over the summer.
I said no because my partner and I are busy. Nevertheless she arranged it offering a low rate and I said no again.She has got pushier and pushier lately because I came to her horrible lunch.
Then she contacted me again on a pretext and goes on to say she is arranging a meet up in a venue down my road which is extremely creepy because she lives nowhere near me!
She does not know my address but she could work it out. I am so angry I mentioned how lovely the area is!
I was really upset and angry as this sort of thing has been going on now for two years and because I keep saying no she keeps trying to co-opt and control me!
I have now blocked her every which way I can ( which is awkward) . I think she has an unhealthy obsession and basically could not bear to go all summer without seeing me. I think it may be sexual with her, although I am straight and often talk about my partner. Probably on purpose to put her off. But NOTHING puts her off.
The worst thing is I told my Mum about it and it really upset her as she is old and ill.
She basically told me off for upsetting her ( I agree I should not have told her)and now I feel just terrible.
I don’t have many friends to talk to.I’m disabled so my life is limited. I have come out of abuse and coercive control and have PTSD. This sort of b#### thing seems always to be happening to me. Stalking.
Earlier this year I caught an ex stalking me…
I feel extremely creeped out all day and now I have gone and upset my Mum.

Any advice welcome

[maddog]

I expect your mum is worried about you. It is incredibly brave and honest of you to tell her what’s going on. Can you screenshot the messages you have received and record this woman’s behaviour? It may be worth reporting to the police.

It’s awful feeling as though we have let down our parents. It’s not your fault. I am very limited to what I can tell my dad and use other channels instead. My dad is very co-dependant and his boundaries are blurred. I have had to re-define my own boundaries and it’s definitely a work in progress.

It’s tiresome recording stuff and it’s tiresome reporting stuff. It’s unlikely that you are the only one who has been the target of this woman.

I’m sorry your mum is unable to support you. It really isn’t for you to take on her burden of anxiety. My parents were rubbish. Brilliant in their own ways but rubbish parents.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi teatime

I am sorry this woman is giving you such a hard time, reading your post she does seem quite out of line and ignoring your demands repeatedly. I believe this is harassment. And this behaviour is illegal in the work place.
If you are the leader and she is one of your employee, you are in authority to take the lead yourself by giving her a verbal warning, then a first official warning etc…consult with your HR department and read their intranet section for specific steps to help you follow the official procedure.

Your mum should have supported you, even when someones is ill she can still be supportive, she could have at the very least give you a kind pad on the hand saying ‘you’ve got this darling, I know you can sort it out’ and give you a hug.
If she doesn’t show you any support and on top of it blames you for upsetting her, pls do turn to someone else, here as you’ve done so well, for support.

Sending you strength & keep posting

[teatime]

Thank you for your kind replies. What I have done is told my colleague and she will discuss it with HOD. She agreed the woman was being weird. I have taken some screenshots and a printout.
I am disgusted with her behaviour. She is actually a student of mine.
I’m not sure what happened with Mum, I guess it’s always been difficult discussing things with her.She comes from a background of child abuse and neglect, and she was a very good Mum considering, but never able to discuss much with her that affected me.
My parents were a bit weirdly unparental in some ways tbh. lovely,clever, kind in some ways, but weird.

[Author]

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