Failed by Women’s Aid but needing help

[Stella Maria]

Hi, this is my first post.

I was referred to Women’s Aid (detail removed by moderator) over an abusive ex partner. I’m afraid I didn’t receive the correct support at that time.
I felt judged by my caseworker and I was offered no help with housing or benefits both of which I really could have done with. I requested my notes from WA and found that I had been referred to MARAC without my knowledge and that my risk assessment had been filled out incorrectly. It’s like my caseworker guessed the answers. I can’t believe this is the person who is supposed to be *speaking for me* at the MARAC – she doesn’t even understand my situation!
I feel very let down by Women’s Aid but I am in need of support and no other agencies seem able to help and keep referring me back to Women’s Aid. Is it even appropriate for me to go back? I’d feel awkward dealing with the same staff who let me down. Maybe a WA group in the next town could help?

Any advice appreciated

StellaMaria x

[maddog]

You’re not being judged. If you’re being referred to MARAC it means that they are taking your case very seriously. It means that all the agencies are involved. You may get some help through Victim Support.

MARACs often happen without our knowing. It’s a minefield understanding domestic abuse. Nobody will give you answers but they will listen.

[Escapee]

Hi Stella Marie,

Does your GP know? I broke down and told a health professional about my circumstances; my word did things move very quickly. I agreed to accept help – adult social services contacted me to see if I needed immediate intervention and moving to a refuge; my GP sent me a text to attend a ‘medication check’ – this was just a way to get me in to see her – she explained about me being classed as a vulnerable adult and explained how she would help to keep me safe. If my life had been in danger I have no doubt I would have been magical disappeared. I wasn’t ready for such full on intervention but this may be right for you. Hope this has helped. Good luck you brave lady xx

[Stella Maria]

Thank you for your replies Maddog and Escapee.

Yes my GP is aware of my situation, I’ve had much better treatment (for mental health) since being upfront with them, so that has improved.

I’m in the process of getting the notes from the MARAC so that will clear things up for me a lot I think.

One of the moderators messaged me to suggest that I make a complaint and that I could call the National Domestic Violence hotline, I might call them today.

[maddog]

It’s horrible feeling judged and unheard. The national helpline is very good. It’s such a difficult and confusing time right at the beginning. It’s so hard to understand why someone would want to destroy another person. Well done for being so honest with your GP. It’s a horrible thing to come to terms with and it’s terrifying to realise what we have put up with, often for far too long.

[diymum@1]

its just finding the right people to listen and sometimes when were traumatised its really difficult to articulate everything over to the professionals. it helps to write it all down in your own time. i know i always crumbled and couldnt speak for sobbing xx you will be listened to i know i was but i did come up against a few brick walls along the way xx

[Goggleeyes]

Hi Stella Maria,

I know it can be very confusing when your in brains in a foggy state. I can only suggest what I did, perhaps giving you a different perspective.

Initially, I went to each individual outlet that I thought could help ie (detail removed by moderator), Police, Citizens Advice, Social, Housing department, local council. It was exhausting for my already stressed brain to try and comprehend let alone go through systems that were a minefield. I too went through MARACs, Women’s Aid, Refuge and fled. Thinking ok great the hard parts over. Just to have the whole process repeat.

After that I actually contacted my local MP and reconnected to all the previous agencies listed above. BUT I copied them ALL in every email I sent. It was much easier for me to keep things straight this way, knowing everyone had the same information at once. Made it a little easier for me getting tangible help, as I connected everyone myself and made them aware of my situation. In a way making everyone accountable. Instead of wondering who was talking to who, if at all.
I’m happy to say I received very real help.

I know finding the strength can be difficult but keep going. You’ll get there, I did. You can too. Xx

 

[Author]

Posts