5th December 2015 at 8:24 am #5939ddubParticipant
It’s (detail removed by moderator)years since I left my abusive ex after (detail removed by moderator) years together, (detail removed by moderator) married. I knew I was leaving a man who thought nothing of punching me or calling me every name under the sun for simply existing, a man who appeared to be very depressed at the time I left but it’s like I flipped the switch from slightly mad and abusive to full scale psychopath and each and every week for the past (detail removed by moderator) years I have been faced with challenges from stalking to beatings to rumours being spread about me.
Finally though I was getting my life together, the house he absolutely refused to move out of or sell went on sale last week after a court ordered it and both my child and I were looking forward to a fresh start in the new year.
Until this week, he’s extremely manipulative and has been abusive of our child too who is terrified of his Dad. He has on previous occasions made allegations that I’ve hit him under threat from his father, all were found not to be true and we thought he’d finally realised just to let us move on.
Yesterday though my world fell apart, my child made allegations of sexual abuse against me under threat from his Dad. He has since admitted he lied, I even have an audio of him saying this but the damage is done and I’m now on supervised access while the real abuser is free to continue abusing our child because ultimately the child is a tool to destroy my life, he has threatened that if it takes him 20 years he will bury me.
I’m devastated and have already been questioned on the matter, I’m only allowed now see my child with supervision and because of the time of year it’s unlikely that I’ll even be given the chance to defend myself until the new year.
All I’ve done is cry, I would never do anything on my child yet now I can’t even take him to see santa or a trip to the cinema even though I have done nothing wrong.
I’m ashamed to leave the house, people are bound to wonder why my child who is always with me is nowhere to be seen and as I can’t even do a school run I know I’ll be the talk of the area. It’s exactly what my ex wanted, my reputation in tatters and most likely furthering his case for custody – which he only wants because having not worked for (detail removed by moderator) years, unknown to me I destroyed a master plan he had to have me look after him financially because he’d been leading a double life as a chronic gambler. I honestly never knew this monster at all.
I’ve fought very hard for (detail removed by moderator) years and that’s after years of abuse before I got out, this has just floored me though and I can’t stop crying and I really don’t want to leave the house. I’m terrified that people will find out and that people will presume that there must be something I’ve done for my child to say this when the reality is that my child was specifically told by his father that his Dad would “smash his head in” – and I have this on audio to confirm this but it’s not acceptable by the powers that be.
Has anybody here been put in this position before? I’ve had to battle against accusations of physical abuse before and they were disproved but this is so much worse and I just feel I can’t continue to fight as where just days ago I really thought I’d be free to start again in 2016 I now dread Christmas and am afraid to go to the local shop in case I start crying again.
I just need to know how I deal with the worst type of allegation that can possibly be made, I have done nothing and am hopeful that the intervention of a pscyhologist can get to the bottom of how emotionally damaged my son is by my ex that he would do this but I could be battling I’m told for months to clear my name all the while damaging my son’s life as he is oblivious to how serious the situation is.
Any advice would be welcome.
5th December 2015 at 5:04 pm #5947LisaMain Moderator
I am so sorry that you are having such a stressful time. Your abuser sounds like a very horrible and dangerous man and I can only imagine how distressing this must be for you and your child. You have nothing to be ashamed of and I am sure that the truth will out (as it has done numerous times before) and you will be united with your son.
Have you been in touch with the Police about the situation, spoken to your local Women’s Aid group and also got support from social services? Please make sure that everyone is aware of his abusive past and keep as much evidence as you possibly can to show them all.
I really feel for you but I really believe that your name will be cleared so just keep holding your head as high as you can. I am sorry that you have not got very much support yet here on the forum but it is a brand new forum and lots of people are having problems accessing it due to initial teething problems. I am sure that others will be along shortly with some good advice as it is not the first time that I have heard about a situation like yours.
Please do phone the helpline and get support from your local Women’s Aid group as soon as you can.
Keep posting to let us know how you are.
6th December 2015 at 10:34 am #5953Amethyst15Participant
Posting to give you some support. I really feel for you. Your ex is the lowest of the low but the sad thing is it doesn’t surprise me just how base they can be. To use your child in this way is pure cruelty to both of you. No doubt the ordering of the sale of the house is behind it. Losing control so he raises his ugly tactics. Lisa has given you some good advice re contacts and as she says the truth will out. These abusers can’t keep up the mask of respectability- it will slip, something will give him away. It must be the hardest thing for you to keep going but you sound a very strong lady indeed. My children are grown up now but the ex would love to manipulate us all under his control. The kids have walked away from him. Justice has been served and i know this doesn’t help right now but in the fullness of time you will be free of this awful excuse of a father. I’m hoping one of the ladies can offer you some practical support but i just wanted you to know we are here for you x
6th December 2015 at 8:27 pm #5963deepblueeyesParticipant
Hi Ddub, these men never cease to amaze me how low they will stoop. What your going is of course his last tactic to stop you moving on from him. He is s**m to put his own child through this, that’s his flesh and blood. He obviously doesn’t give a hoot for his emotional well being. When the truth comes out, and it will, don’t ever let that disgusting excuse for a man have access to your son, he don’t deserve it.
My ex tried a similar thing to me but because our daughter was to young he couldn’t manipulate her. But this didn’t stop him calling the police, social services and family and friends. He told them I was allowing men to abuse my young daughter for money and drugs!!!!! I had visits from the police, SS, friends alienated me. And all because of his lies! But in the end the truth shone through. The police had no cause for alarm after visiting me unexpected on numerous occasions. Social services have no concerns with me as a parent it’s his behaviour that is in question.
I will never understand why they go so far. Even if they are hurt by us leaving that’s no excuse for that madness.
Stay strong dear and know that you will get your chance to put this right. And get back your son and try and help him. Xx
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.