So I just opened up here about my childhood neglect. It wasn’t intentional I don’t think? looking back. well I hope not! Now I’m recalling all the familial abuse that’s affected me that I feel stems from that closest family member influence on remaining close family members. I can’t change any of it! And it hurts! Not being lived by family is something else!
Extremely painful isn’t it? I realise now that my abusive childhood is what has led to me putting up with the treatment i have and also think in the past i was an abusive person myself… the only real good relationship i had with a man who was kind and loving and good and wanted to make me happy….this felt so unnatural and uncomfortable to me….my family made sure we didn’t marry…they (detail removed by Moderator)….only thing that ever felt ‘normal’ to me was being hit, told what to do, told i was never good enough, constantly criticised, bullied…the drama, dispair, fear, crying and feeling of abandonment was what felt like home to me….tragic isn’t it
Oh Calendula, it’s so sad to read what you wrote. I’m so sorry for what you went through, what you have lost. Lost love. Yes, it is traggic. And I think it does affect us in our choices as adults, I too seem to attract bad relationships like a magnet.