Family abuse

[Serenity]

I was very worried about accepting my mum’s offer to buy my ex out, as she is controlling and can be emotionally cruel to me. I feared she would use it as a weapon later. But I felt forced as the other option was to pay my ex an amount monthly, due to his feigning poverty. I couldn’t have afforded this.

True to form, the worm has turned. My mother is starting to play her game, pushing the boundaries and prodding me, then when the new me reacts by being assertive, I am chided and she is subtly suggesting that if I don’t play ball I could be homeless. I have exchanged one abuser for another.

When I challenged her on her behaviour, she denied it, and when I explained that I was doing fine with the kids on my own, don’t want negative comments, just want to manage my family in peace, I was told it was all about me and that I was self-indulgent to think I was entitled to peace, that no one nowadays can expect to have peace.

[Serenity]

I am going to sell up ASAP and hand her the money back and live how I want. My family isn’t normal. I can see so many perp traits in it x

[katielove]

It’s funny that after years of being abused by my ex I can see that it all started with the way my mum treats me and how it makes me feel: this was contributed to my acceptance of his terrible abuse for so long. I, too, have only recognised all the traits (and she is subtle) after reading a huge amount on abuse. I don’t think my mum exerts control the same as yours as she would never lend me a penny but I am treated very differently to my siblings. When I was at my lowest ebb and my young son and I would be homeless unless she let us stay with her for a few days, she wouldn’t let us. She said that it wasn’t good for my dad to have extra people in the house – I later found out that my sister was staying and she has her own, safe home.
I would, if you can afford to, sell up and get out of her clutches. Being independent is the best way forward. I had to sell my house just to escape my ex – he would never have left me alone there, my neighbours witnessed abuse and did nothing and the place held too many sad memories. I am in rented accommodation and am now looking for something else to buy.

I wonder when I will feel better. I am still waiting for police to finish their investigation and have days when I struggle enormously. I really wish it would all go away.

Take care x

[Author]

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