Family bereavement

[Fairyliquid]

Help,

Told my ex/partner my (detail removed by Moderator) is about to die.
Unfortunately this is true.
They informed me they are flying in this weekend anyway.
I want to be able to grieve and be with my mum.
Now I’m stressing about the tidiness of the house if they are going to come and add more stress. (They will come saying they are supporting me).
I can’t deal with this…
Haven’t had time to grieve for (detail removed by Moderator) properly because of my toxic relationship.
We even got a councilor to help who said we should only talk for (detail removed by Moderator) light and breezy. All weekend they have been telling me how bad I am that its all my fault, I’m dirty the house is a mess. How no one could cope with me hence they leave me over and over. How all the bad things I have said have ruined them how I should be trying to make things right.
I want to be grieving now I am in a total panic.
I’ve told my parents I am out of this relationship as I dont want to worry anymore but not been able to extrapolate.
I’m sooo stupid, after three days of being told it is all my fault I wrote them and apology (detail removed by Moderator). To try and make some peace. I have apologised and agreed that I am a horrendous horrible person. So they don’t feel so bad.

I have just told them about my (detail removed by Moderator) as I thought this would give me space.
It won’t, they will be here how am I meant to deal with both???

They are now like i will always be here for you…. they have been explaining how bad i am for hours and hours this weekend.

My parents do not need this upset whilst grieving.
I want to be able to have space to grieve but I won’t. They will either be here or in a close by city with their family.
I will know they can turn up whenever. I said they could to avoid conflict.
I’m so stupid.

[Lisa]

Hi Fairyliquid,

I’m so sorry that someone you care about is about to die. That on it’s own is such a lot to go through and you have your ex treating you so cruelly on top of this. It sounds like they want all the attention to be on them and leave no room for you at all. You’re not stupid. You are doing your best to protect yourself from abuse. You’ve tried to set some boundaries for what you need, including with the support of a counsellor, but your ex is ignoring the boundaries and doing whatever they want regardless. I can feel your anxiety coming through in your post. It’s understandable you’re feeling this with how much your ex berates you. Their behaviour is not your fault. Keep reaching out here for support as you need.

Take care,
Lisa

[Author]

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