Family illness

[Rose1]

I’ve posted before about the difficulties I’ve been experiencing and the impact of my husbands erratic behaviour. (detail removed by Moderator) husband ground out his elderly mother is unwell and sadly its terminal. As awful as this may sound I knew it would become another reason to take things out on me. He’s known for (detail removed by Moderator) days and this evening he has started with his criticisms, belittling me, telling me I need to improve..if I improve he will like me better..I don’t know why the unkindness takes me by surprise..but the sudden change from seemingly normal to this bizarre unkindness still knocks me for six..and I’m left feeling devastated..and somewhere inside I’m sad that I have lost my strength to tell him where to go. I’m just left feeling scared and lonely

[octave]

I was also where you are now. I left a long term marriage after criticism, neglect, alcohol abuse. It was not what I had hoped for when I married. I wanted to grow old with someone I love and enjoy all the phases of life. But I had a choice to make. He wasnt going to change and I would have been marginalized the rest of my life, if I stayed. I am working hard to build a new life. It still takes work, but at least now I have a chance to have true love. I have friends and family who love me. I live alone and I am a people person so that is hard, but it’s better than wondering whether I will see Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde today and always being on guard.

[Rose1]

Thank you for your response Octave and well done on being brave and freeing yourself. Its funny but I used to hope for love..that I’d find it but these last months I just feel suddenly much older, and less confident and, well, less, less of a person and of course I know why..living with a bully, becoming a victim, dims your light in so many ways..and actually writing that makes me feel so angry inside..that I’ve put up with his nasty ways for so long

[Nellie]

Rose1 you are not alone.
I am in a similar position too. You are much stronger than you think and remind yourself of this every time this happens. It is his behaviour not yours, it is unkind and uncaring behaviour and you are on the receiving end of it. You are a kind and caring person. You would not behave in this way.
It makes us feel lonely; it makes us feel oppressed and you deserve more. It is him that is unable to express his emotions in a decent way. You are awesome
Sending you a hug x

[gettingtired]

Hello, I can relate to how you’re feeling too.
My partner uses one of his family member’s ‘illnesses’ (although they’ve not had a diagnosis and I think he exaggerates that they’re ill when they’re not) as a way to complain to me that I’m not supportive and never have been. How I’m cold and how he hopes I have someone there for me when my family get ill because he won’t be, how I’ll be in for a shock, how I probably won’t care for them etc. Just horrid.
Like you, I still struggle with the stark contrast of ‘normal’ behaviour and the nastiness. I’m getting sick and tired of it as well though. Hoping that it will help push me to leave. Hope you’re doing ok xx

[skyfish]

my husband was continuously ill throughout our marriage in a variety of weird but real stress induced ways that required repeated hospital admissions – because of this I had excuses in my head to explain away the nastyness when in fact he really is just a nasty unstable human being!! who cares only for himself and not me and our child x seeing this clearly when our instincts as women is to care and support is the hardest and they know that

[Author]

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