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Has anyone had experience of victim blaming? I know our partners or expartners do it. But do any of you experience this from their family. Half the reason I’ve stayed so long is when I eventually realised the extreme behaviour. ..tapping phones …threatening suicide…daily verball attacks with children present. Crying lots of crying (from me)…lots and lots more. I don’t need to tell you all when you knew that things were not right. You all know that moment…or maby it isn’t a moment…maby it’s a slow slide into an avalanche. …this ain’t right.
Well when I got to that point I reached out to his family.
They did…….nothing.
We’re as bad as each other…two sides to every story????????w*f.
How does this happen? Or actually why am I asking this question. If your all like me we victim blamed ourselves for years…so why think other people won’t.
I have red lines. Things I won’t do. Nothing and no one could make me do them. Why do families give these men approval to do WHATEVER they like as long as they were justified?
How can they hear abuse. See abuse…and still think the ends justify the means. I was told the other day that it was OK to be called a Sl@g ..because he was frustrated.!!!! That’s just frustration talking.
I have never in my life been called a s**g. ..but in the last x months I’ve been called it too many times to count. And worse. They’ve heard it and everything else that comes with it. But still it’s my fault?????????
Just reaching out for some solidarity…I can’t be made to call anyone a sl@g. ..nothing would make me do it. Especially if therequired was nothing to justify it. -
I’m sorry to hear about this gutting disappointment, when you know you are telling the truth, but, every one has their own theory don’t they, and it is his family aobperhaps they are showing him loyalty. I’ve experienced that ansbive had victim blaming from the police.
It’s not about him its about me being ill. Oh okk. Great. It’s still not uncommon sadly but nevertheless a shock when it happens and you truly wonder how people can’t get it and support you. I am sorry you experienced this, you know your truth and you hang onto that.
Warmest wishes ts
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This for me was the shocking sting in the tail. My son and stepdaughter both blamed me. My stepdaughter wrote to say I had destroyed our family and never to contact her again. Sadly they are victims too. Vulnerable to the abusers tactics and perhaps too frightened to cross someone so nasty. Even more shocking for me was that neither of them called me a liar. It made me realise that they knew exactly what he was doing. I always thought I wouldn’t be believed when I spoke up. But in reality it was even more shocking to realise they knew all along, where I was stuck in a fog of self blame and denial and abuse. All I can say is to hold onto the truth. You know it. You lived it. They will eventually see his nature for themselves. Abusers will always justify their behaviour. As you say everyone has a line they won’t cross. Abusers cannot even imagine s line. It’s not ok to be called a s**g and he knows it. Don’t believe a word he says. It’s Gaslighting and crazy making behaviour. Hold your head high and keep your line and your boundaries well and truly in place x there is never an excuse for domestic abuse x
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Just wanted to say how much I appreciate this thread this morning. I am getting ready for day contact with ex and to take my teenager to neighbouring city and pick them up at the end of the day. It is never easy and I am trying to look after myself and not push my feelings away, which I have done in the past.
I think there are many shades of victim blaming. I was quite tearful this morning. Sometimes I am because of the cruelty of it all. Most especially the entirety of ex’s family (and most of my own to whom I am now estranged…)…saying that I was/a a cxxp mum, mentally ill, an alcoholic etc…anything they could throw at me.
In contrast there was an absolute angel of a woman on the street yesterday almost a complete stranger who stopped me in the street and told me what a great mum I am and how lovely my teenager is. Afterwards I was nearly in tears. Why didn’t my ex ever say that? That was the greatest cruelty for me,,,not once, not once, not once.
Recently I have lost my last birth family member who told me not to contact them again, having sent me a list of ‘things they did for me when I was in refuge’…(where they keeping a tally all along? that was more than five years ago…?
They also called me ‘selfish’ to which I responded ‘ I can’t see how I can possibly be – since I put another person first (my teenager) 24/7….?
I have come to the point where I just think a Higher Power has taken these people out of my life because we deserve better…?
all best
looking forward to being back home tonight.
ftc
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It’s pure ignorance on their part. His family brought him up so he learned his values from them unfortunately. It’s so much easier for people to blame people who “appear” to be weaker. They don’t expect us to have the strength to stand up to them or give them grief. We are seen as the victim. They don’t know any better in my eyes because we do come out of this stronger. Why?because we don’t give up,we keep going, we are stronger than them because we don’t have tp put others down to feel better about ourselves xx
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