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    • #168471

      I’ve been invited to a fancy dress party!
      I have very little money to spend on myself so I’ve been looking online for cheap vintage clothes from the time of my nightclubbing partying heyday.
      This also happened to be the time that I met my abuser. He controlled what I wore so I have mixed feelings about looking at and eventually wearing party clothes from that time. We’ll see how I feel when they arrive in the post.
      It’s good to be able to share here.

    • #168475

      I’m so happy you are going. We can’t let the past continue to dictate our whole future life. My abuser (who I am still with in the house ) controlled what I wore too , makeup , finance , seeing family and friends.
      I have slowly found myself in all the awfulness and pain. He doesn’t like a lot of what I do and will put a nasty twist on it – when I say what I do , I mean seeing a sibling for example. (Who I was stopped from seeing for years and still would be stopped but I am trying to change this ). He will pull a nasty face, shout , swear , and tell me that I go to get drunk etc. my sibling does not drink by the way.
      clothing is a real trigger and it has taken me a long time to choose my own clothing. (Him and his mother would throw my clothes and shoes away without asking me, saying they did not like them ). It was like I had no rights over anything.
      After many years I still have problems making decisions, even small things. It’s like trying to find out who I am as a person and what I actually like because my feelings matter.
      Hope you have a fantastic time at the party !

    • #168480

      The party is with a local support group so it feels safe.
      I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you.
      It really does eat away at your self and identity doesn’t it. I’m still discovering who I am, not reacting to the abuse that I experienced and no longer under someone else’s control.
      That’s great news about your sibling too, here’s hoping for many future lovely visits.
      Also here’s hoping that making decisions and expressing likes will become easier.
      At the moment I have a dress code at work, dark clothes, which is unpleasant as I still think of my abuser sometimes when I wear particular colours. My t shirt for the party will be bright with stars on it, I’ve made my decision and we’ll see how I like it when it arrives in the post.

    • #168491

      Wow so quickly my retro jeans have arrived in the post. They might be a bit short for the skyscraper heels that I’ve also been considering. But then more of my fabulous footwear would be on show.
      I really want this outfit to be about what I would have liked to have looked like back through the mists of time.

    • #168529

      Meeeee again! I’m excited, my t shirt is here and my boots are on their way. I’ve been researching jewellery and make up to complete my look. I have some neon nail polish already.
      I probably didn’t have neon nail polish at the time but it is fancy dress so an exaggerated version of what I might have looked at back in the day. I’ve never planned an outfit so much in my life!
      Sometimes I feel quite happy that it’s everything that my abuser would have loathed but then he criticised everything that I wore. Mainly I’m happy that I’m going to look sparkly and bright.

    • #168571

      My boots are here! They are ridiculously impractical and will apparently draw attention to my peculiar walk. Or so my abuser would say. I don’t have a peculiar walk of course, just another way for him to belittle me and chip away at my self confidence.
      I’m wondering if I’ll be able to tell my friends at my group the reason that I’m so pleased with my party clothes, to do with rediscovering and reinventing myself.

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