22nd June 2020 at 7:37 am #107182
I know it’s a day late but I really struggled yesterday and just wanted to share if you did too.
I really felt strange and had a good cry yesterday, I have young daughter with my ex and we have no contact (as much as possible). Whilst I’ve made so much progress after leaving (detail removed by Moderator) ago I still miss him sometimes or just the idea of our family maybe. But I’m also so glad I didn’t have to put on a show yesterday and praise someone who abused me. I know so many will have had a tough who are still having to treat him like the perfect dad yesterday.
I just wanted to send love and know your not alone if yesterday was triggering at all.x*x
22nd June 2020 at 7:25 pm #107279fizzylemParticipant
Means nothing to me nowadays, being years out, I even forgot, for the first time ever. My child sent him a message and this was fine and enough for her. Suits me as well, celebrating he’s the best dad in the world is just riddiculous really.
I can recall what you are going through though, for me I became aware it wasn’t him I missed, it was someone to share those treasured moments with as she grew, I remember when I started to realise there would be no one else to ever share this joy with because only the other parent can be this other – it felt like they were both missing out, that we all were. However, when I look back now, I can see it was only ever me that was really interested in her and family – this was not really important to him, he was never present, never cherished this time or us, most of the time he spolied things, days out, celebrations, holidays – with his mood or take on how we should all not enter into it – whatever it was. I projected onto him for a long time that we are a loving family – only this was not really the case.
Hope you’ve shaken this off and are feeling a bit better today; it’s likely it triggered a number of loses in your life, because one loss will always do this – no time is ever wasted standing still, reflecting and allowing your pain, thoughts and emotions in, it may have felt hard but it also very much needed as it helps you to eventually become free of him x
27th June 2020 at 8:38 am #107736
Thank you for your kind reply. It’s really good to hear this and I hope I feel that way too one day.
I know what you mean about the projecting. My idea of what it was as opposed to the reality of what it was was so different. Family time
was always a timed thing and He always wanted to get back to his PlayStation as soon as possible
27th June 2020 at 8:40 am #107737
Yes I agree that reflecting time and listening to yourself is one of the best things we can do for ourselves after leaving.xx
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