Fear of escalation

[Cheesequeen]

So it’s (detail removed by moderator) since I moved back in with me Mum. I have had the hardest (detail removed by moderator) ever I’m absolutely exhausted. Due to previous threats on me leaving, messing the kids around and his previous attempt at suicide, I have agreed to a referral for children’s services.
(Detail removed by moderator) was the first time I’ve seen him since I left. We had a friend each there just in case and thank God we did! I know he’s been acting all wounded victim so I wanted to have my side heard.
I had to tell him about the referral and said I’d be being totally honest about everything. I mentioned the threats and he kept trying to stuff everything back down my throat. His friend said that we’ve all been through stuff and I just lost it momentarily and a sentance shot out of my mouth I don’t want to live to regret. I said he hasn’t been through what I have and mentioned the rape.
Ex flew out the room and wouldn’t even acknowledge it. He was so angry.
I was so shaky and upset and I cried and now I feel so weak for not keeping it together. But I just can’t stand him making out like he’s ‘a changed man’ when it’s literally been (detail removed by moderator). He has a house sorted, why he couldn’t have just done that every time I’ve left previously I don’t know.
Now I’m terrified I’ve given him his justification to escalate. I’m so scared of a comment he made, when I said I’m was going to be totally honest with children’s services he said well so am I! I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for a few months and I’m worried he will try to make out I’m a bad Mum. We have fought in the past and I’m scared he will make it out like I’m some sort of crazy person. I work full time and I get my kids out all the time. Yes I have days when I can’t face the world and I’ve struggled at time but I’m a good Mum!
I have made the referral to make sure my children get the support they need and so I can have some objectivity around how safe he is with the kids but now I feel like he might use it as a fighting arena.
I feel sick and sad and I just want this all to be over but feel like it never will be.
Now that I’ve seen his true colours and he knows it’s over I’m worried I’ve unleashed a monster.
What if he tries to go for custody?
I won’t have my house until the end of the month. I’m so mad at myself for reacting but he was just being so manipulative I just had to get the secrets out in the open. I didn’t realise how hurt I would be to see him again now that I’ve accepted everything and the fact people can’t see it feels so unjust. It’s just not fair. He will never understand it and I’ve been living with this man for years. I can’t believe I’ve been so deluded.
Sorry just needed to get this out my heart is breaking.

[Iwantmeback]

Well done in getting it out of there Cheesequeen😘 . This forum is the only place we can get it all out without fear of anything being used against us. We’ve all struggled to be a good mum, there’s no rule books on how to be one, we literally make it up as we go along. Yes he will probably try and use that and so much more to discredit you, but you have done nothing wrong, you are NOT a bad mum. You’ve left him, that is looking out for your children’s best interests, that’s putting their needs before his, and that is what is at the bottom of all this. He is no longer the centre of your world.
Of course your ex was angry with what you said, he knows he’s got no control over you now, that you are no longer going to keep quiet for fear of him. That was very brave of you to do that. That took enormous courage to face your fears, you are one amazing lady to have been able to do it. 💛💛
We all know (detail removed by moderator) is in no way enough for an abuser to change, to see the error of their ways and admit to it. That will never happen. Making the referral has taken courage too, but you’re looking to protect your children from him and their future self esteem, ability to have relationships which aren’t abusive, to protect them from taking drink or drugs to hide from what they saw as children. You are doing great, believe it. How would he provide a stable environment for the children?
Have you been in touch with Anyone from WA yet or Rights for women. I think it would be good if you could have someone who knows just what these men are capable of in your corner.
If his behaviour escalates, you contact the police, nothing you do or have done justifies being abused. It’s only justified in his head, no one elses. 🤨 once you get your own place the police can advise on how to be safe once the abuser leaves. They’ll come and do a property check and advise accordingly plus it opens up a dialogue with them if you’ve not reported his behaviour before. Again well done in getting out, you are truly inspirational even though you probably don’t feel like it the now. Love and best wishes to you all including your wee mum💜💜

IWMB 💕💕

[Cheesequeen]

Thank you so much. I suppose it was a bit brave 🤣
I have been to my local DV branch and have a great support worker. She has been really objective, not giving direct advice just presenting options and letting me talk though my decisions. I have read and read and read to arm myself with knowledge. It’s been scary to plunge myself in to the reality of it, but it’s what I know I need to do.
I have been in touch with the Police and have a DVM on my Mum’s house and will on my own.
Your words always mean the world to me. The sign posting and recommendations for reading have been so practical. It really does take a village 😊 Xx

[Itwastimetostopit]

Hi cheesequeen
Child services have proven great support for me. My ex showed them his nasty self.
He will bounce it all back on to you and at times it will get to you.
He will want to play victim.
I’ve accepted my ex will not take responsibility for his behaviour.

He’s lost his control over you.
But what he does now is his responsibility not yours.
Ring police if you feel threatened.

You have been brave to seek help and saying it all out loud.

[EbonyRaven]

Hugs CheeseQueen. You are doing the right things. Well done. Just wanted to give you my support and share strength. x

[diymum@1]

Abuse thrives on secrecy xx you’ve done the right thing and honesty is always what sets you free (one of my most trusted confidantes told me that) I’m so proud of you 💪 👭 😊 keep going sister x*x 😊❤

[Cheesequeen]

Thanks again for your replies. I don’t know what I’d have done without all the support.
I’m still really up and down but the up spells are getting longer. I just wish beyond anything I didn’t have to speak to him!
He keeps changing the goal posts already with the kids after promising in front of everyone he wouldn’t. Not that I’m surprised but still disappointed.
I am hoping to apply for our new house today. Have my fingers and toes crossed we get it! Xx

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