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    • #13050
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      watching murdered by family….resonates so much. big day (removed by moderator)…..I’m scared

    • #13057
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Shine Bright,

      I watched it too. It was very sad.

      I wish you all the luck in the world for (removed by moderator). You can do it. You are a strong woman. X*x

    • #13076
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi Hun

      THe film just goes to show how awareness needs to be made how we much pressure we under in certain cultures, good luck (removed by moderator) , hope all goes well for u, remember your true value, no one has right to do that to u

    • #13099
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      They bailed him again. So drained…

    • #13105
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there, it’s a long process, just keep your chin up. You will get there in the end ❤️

    • #13112
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      I’m ok just feeling a bit empty again. watching that show yesterday made me think about it all
      . people are always careful to be politically correct abs talk about arranged marriage and forced marriage being different, buts it’s a fine line. Coercion isn’t necessarily force, bit most people want to make their family happy..as I did. To an extent I chose him, but I wouldn’t have married so young or fast if I had been free to choose but important I wouldn’t have stayed so longer if it hadn’t been for fear of dishonour…..feeling tearful.

    • #13113
      KIP.
      Participant

      You have every right to be tearful. There is no shame in crying. After everything you have been through. There is always this awful aftershock, when the adrenaline subsides. Take it easy and be kind to yourself❤️

    • #13123
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Thanks all and KIP.
      There is such a strong sense of guilt and shame instilled in me. I wonder if it is the same in other communities but about other things. He even talked to my girls about how certain things would make him ashamed or disown them. I felt so bad even talking to police as it was a shameful act…what would family say/ think.Now I can look at a man when he talks to me, I can she his hand, I can look at things and think this is not dishonour you can’t dishonour someone who has no respect….A rapist, torturer…but there is shame still sometimes in speaking about what he did.

    • #13124
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      shake not she

    • #13132
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI Hun

      I was forced into an aranged marriage, its horrible all the expectation you have to meet, how you have to stay with them cause of the family name , the guilt we carry on our head, but you know what hun when we are getting beaten up and tortured we have to experience that alone,no body helps us, we have to help ourselves, my ex did the same game put the pressure on me about family shame , how kids will be labelled , how we are spoiling there life,ex family told me i would have no self respect left if I didn’t come back,my ex b in law actually said to me what respect are youa fter exactly ? just think about yourself hun , the kids do survive, we survive too. Its the way they train us to think that when we talk about what they did , we think its our shame, its not, no one has right to treat us like that, dont feel embrassed when u talk to police or guilt, think did they feel guilt when they did that to us , its there shame, get your justice and make him face what he did, it is annoying when they get bailed again, but fight this through hun , it will give such a strong message to the world and your children.

    • #13143
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Actually, shame is imposed upon us to silence us.
      As soon as we lose the feeling of shame we live lives so free and full of meaningful perspectives.
      Stand up to the abuser in court. Say everything. Show him who the boss is! x*x

    • #13166
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Oh confused! you summed it up brilliantly. To me the pull of family and the need to make them happy is so strong. Even now there are times when I waver a bit. My resistance to (detail removed by Moderator) has been all about not bringing shame on everyone. I could show people scars all over me because it would be shameful….respecting everyone except my self. Court would mean talking about the horrific things he did….but why should I feel ashamed? I do though.

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