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It’s coming up to the anniversary of me leaving soon. In so many ways I’m happy and content, but it seams the longer it is the worse my mental health is. Most nights I have terrible dreams and don’t sleep. Find myself staying up for days. It’s odd, feeling really lonely, but when I was with him I felt the same. 90% of the time I’m fine..but every now and then I’m on my knees with the depression. I have PTSD and receiving help, but some days I want to drive to his house…no idea where he lives, we are no contact….(detail removed by Moderator) he has cost me and my family. I know one day I will be fine…but some days!! Thanks for listening to me moan…always a help xx love to you all xx
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If your anniversary of leaving is nearing, well done on surviving thus far. I’m early days in comparison and reading your post, I was hoping my mental health might improve after a year. I guess we need to be gentle with ourselves and not expect instant recovery. If you think about it, it took years to wear us down so it won’t be instant to remake ourselves. Your post made me smile a little, when you said you wanted to (detail removed by Moderator) sometimes. I feel the same way! It’s not funny the situation we find ourselves in but then again you have to smile and keep a sense of humour going. Otherwise the dark times could swallow us whole. If I were you I’d treat myself to something extravagant on your anniversary =)
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Hi EOTR, sorry to hear you’re fed up. Guess we need these days, must do, lest we forget, it’s kind of important to remember and reflect, process it. Some days are good hey, others not so much. Yes you felt lonely when with him too but you also felt distress, angst and unsafe as well. Good to know you’re getting some help. It really does take years from us to get past it hey, just keep chipping away and taking steps towards the life you really want x
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Slowly as the years progress I’m learning to treat each milestone differently. Today I left my house covered in dust 😨😨 and didn’t clean it…even though this winds me up no end….I’m OK. …no one beat me…no one shouted at me….I’m on my sofa, safe and sound. …life does get better. ….don’t look back (detail removed by Moderator) x*x
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Hi Endoftherainbow, so sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I am not up to my anniversary yet but I find all the firsts without him like birthdays, Mothers Day, are difficult. In one way I am so happy to be free yet it still feels hard and there is grief and anger. Because I am on modified contact that brings up stuff too. Have had treatment for PTSD but the sleep is still an issue , like now ! Have to make a real effort with my sleep routines and preparations. All Also I have to make myself reach out when I start going low. I didn’t realise this can go on for a long time. All the best and keep strong .
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