4th June 2016 at 3:38 pm #18599
Sorry just need to tell someone. Feel at breaking point with the constant criticism and negativity. Everything I’ve done today is wrong (apparently). It’s just never ending.
I’m shaking inside and feel sick.
4th June 2016 at 7:21 pm #18602SerenityParticipant
I remember those days and those feelings ( he’s still trying to do it from afar!).
Remember, he’s projecting his negativity onto you. Nothing he says is objectively true.
But it is unbearable to live with. What is your situation now ? What do you intend doing?
5th June 2016 at 10:24 pm #18656AnonymousInactive
Hi Moonflower, Just the other day I felt so very overwhelmed and literally like one more thing and I would lose it completely, I totally understand that shakey sick feeling. A little chat on here and I was feeling so much better and not quite so alone. I hope that you are feeling better since you posted x
6th June 2016 at 7:51 pm #18689
Thank you for your replies. I feel a little better today its just sometime its all too much. Pick pick pick at everything I do. He just says over and over ‘Why did you do XYZ, I just don’t understand, it makes no sense’ and yet when I try to explain why I did something the conversation just goes round in a circle and he gets more and more agitated and I get more and more panicky.
I have made an appointment (detail removed by Moderator) to see what my options are but I am not sure I can go through with it. Obviously my husband isn’t aware I’m doing this and I’m paranoid that he’ll find out. (detail removed by Moderator) he looks after all these and without going through all his papers I don’t know where to look and he may notice that this has all been moved about.
He’s miles away this week so he’s unlikely to find out but he has a away of making feel like he’s watching everything I do.
I keep telling myself that I am only getting information so that I’m better prepared for the future when things turn ugly again (as I know they will).
I know I have to be brave and see it through.
6th June 2016 at 10:28 pm #18696Eve1Participant
I remember being in this situation. I hope you decide to go to your appointment. Just think of it as fact finding. Why shouldn’t you know what your options are? I know when I finally, after nearly 2 decades, found out what mine were it was a turning point. Up until then I hadn’t really thought I had any!
It sounds like this is an ideal time, while he is miles away.
7th June 2016 at 2:14 am #18704AnonymousInactive
Hi Moonflower, Go to your appointment if you possibly can, knowing your options I am sure will help. Please be careful when putting things aside etc it is amazing what suspicious people will notice. xx
8th June 2016 at 9:56 am #18760
I have got together as many documents as I can and I intend to go to my meeting with the solicitor this afternoon.
I feel really uneasy with this and feel that I may be putting myself in danger but I know I have to find out what my options are. I also feel like I’m being a real b**ch to him as when he’s away he’s lovely – telling us he misses us and loves us BUT a different man comes home. He’s rude, dismissive, aggressive, angry most of the time.
It’s all so confusing. All I know is that I cannot be myself with him and that I live in permanent state of high alert waiting for him to kick off about something. This isn’t normal in a relationship is it?
Wish me luck
8th June 2016 at 11:18 am #18768godschildParticipant
Hi, I also have that sick shaking feeling inside its horrible, do hope yo can keep the appointment and be strong, no way are you a bi+++, you are protecting yourself from his awful abuse.
The relationship you describe is typical of abuse and is not NORMAL at all, you have many women on here behind you in this, do you have a WA workers as well to advise you and help you through it all xx
8th June 2016 at 12:24 pm #18775LisaMain Moderator
Good luck Moonflower,
I just wanted to show you some support. You are not to blame, his behaviour is not your fault and it is great that you are taking steps to change your situation. You are doing brilliantly. It is a very stressful and confusing time and remember that abusers are masters of manipulation and it is this cycle that keeps people trapped in unhappy relationships for long after they actually wish to leave.
We are all here for you please get lots of support from us and your local Women’s Aid group. Please also be very careful as this can be a dangerous time.
12th June 2016 at 8:52 pm #19031TuppanceParticipant
I just wanted to say that your situation sounds so similar to mine. Once I decided that enough was enough I started saving and selling stuff to pay for a solicitor , an initial consultation. It was really informative but I struggled to explain where I was ( I said I had a smear test in the end) as my husband expects the phone to be answered immediately, to the point that he has his own ring tone and my friends and colleagues know if he rings and I am not there, they must answer it. So just get yourself a credible alibi for a two hour absence. I am still working towards my exit but it is so very very hard. Luckily I have family to support me. Thankyou I found this website too. I have only just joined but there is a wealth of information and similar stories that give me hope knowing that I am not to blame. My kids and u deserve better. Good luck xxxx
13th June 2016 at 8:54 pm #19098
Thank you everyone for all your lovely words of encouragement. It means a lot to have support on here from you lovely ladies.
Just a quick update and sorry it has taken me a while to post again. It’s not always easy when he’s around.
I went to the appointment which was a half hour free consultation but the lady solicitor I saw was lovely and gave me some really good advice. She made it all sound so simple but the reality when I am at home is very different.
I’ve had another horrible weekend with him and feel like just packing a bag and leaving but I know I need to make plans first and have somethings in place first.
Thank you all once again.
14th June 2016 at 1:17 pm #19137AyannaParticipant
When he is not around you can also call Rights of Women.
Take your time to make a good plan.
Put all your documents together.
Get money on the side.
Look for a place to live.
Speak to your local WA.
Inquire about moving companies. Some are very good. They pack your things in no time and you are out before he knows.
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