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    • #13706
      godschild
      Participant

      I hadn’t posted something today as I feel that maybe my disabilities are not really understood very well, ive had so much horrible treatment even by so called proffesionals.
      I have monophobia which is a dreadful fear of being alone, had it for over two decades now.
      Staying alone is torture beyond words.

      However he and that is all I can call him at the moment. i’m so so upset, had to have an important (detail removed by moderator) today (detail removed by moderator), I have no one to come and sit with me as my son and his Wife have cut me off latetly.
      I have been dreading it for days and awake half the night.

      He went and it was absolutely awful it was only 25 minutes but the feelings I had were indescribable.
      Normally if he goes even if someone sits with me he will text or call to say he is there and give a rough time he has to wait, I was alone and he didt even let me know, I text him in the end and he said he was on the way back.

      I was in an awful state in tears and he came in picked something up gave me the most horrible disgusted look and walked out, he then went to lie down in his poor old me mode and have just seen him and he said HE !!!!!! went through the most awful experience today, seeing the state of me when he got back , he said in the most disgusted , nasty way ” the state of You, its just broken me , im in tears and feel physical pain with emotion at how nasty he has been after me having such a bad experience.
      I feel my insides are being ripped out with the emotional pain. If I suffer he always turns it around to be him that has suffered, no kindness or care to me, just anger.
      I havnt had these intense feelings for a few weeks , Ive been stronger standing up for myself but I feel so low and alone now. My anxiety is awful and I feel like giving up

    • #13709
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Please don’t give up, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I don’t understand Monophobia because I like being on my own but if its anything like the panic I feel when I try to go out then maybe I can understand how that might make you feel? I know you are agoraphobic too and I cannot even begin to imagine how reliant you are on this man even more so with the fear of being alone. Is mental health services not able to offer you anything for the monophobia, CBT some kind of counselling anything that might reduce the impact this is having on you? As for him I would try not to let his reactions get you down, concentrate on you and how you feel and focus on making you that little bit stronger. Sending you hugs x

    • #13712
      godschild
      Participant

      Thankyou a little lost, I would say in some ways its worse than the agoraphobia, many people with agoraphobia go on to get monophobia its awful.
      The NHS have been useless for all of the decades I have sufferd, most of the mental health nurse’s and phyciatrists havn’t even heard of it. Yet I read that it is the fastest growing phobia I got al of my knowledge and help from Anxiety Uk.
      The Community mental health team that came out a few weeks ago asked me all about it and asked about how it makes me feel, took my history plus the effects of the abuse and said our service has nothing to offer you and gave me some name of DV support I sent them message 4 weeks ago and they havn’t even replied to me.
      I was always a frightened child, hated going to bed alone, always wanted my mom when I went on trips etc, so there is an iasue there but his abuse has made it worse thats for sure and I cant get any good deep councelling for it.
      Any phyciatrist I have seen has been a joke utter joke, one said when I had post natal depression after my Son, go home have a coffee morning, you can convince yourself you are crippled !, I couldnt even function to make a drink or face seeing people, strange to say he had a breakdown himself shortly after and I went private and had hornmone treatment in the end and within two weweks I was picking up
      I could write a book on the mistreatements I have had.
      I was taken by ambulkance after much persuasion the end of last year as I broke down and was in state and my heart rate was errtic, all ofthe medical staff were really kind but then I saw the mental health nurse and she knew my problems which Ive had for decades and she told me that I was choosing to staying an abusive relationship, I told her I had no choice with the phobias I suffer and no support at all, she then said you have exactly the same choices I have as to whether I go out to work Each, day or not as a fellow sufferer you can imagine how I felt, I discharged myself and made a complaint about her , the response was she didnt mean to upset me !
      I am a bit calmer now, just cant take how selfish and how he twists everything to him being the victim, the one suffering etc etc and he didnt show me an ounce of care when he got back just disgust and anger.He has done this for many years and its like it all flooded back to me, how uncaring and cruel and selfish and nasty he has been.
      How does your abuser treat you wiht agoraphobia , does he get angry at you.

      • #13766
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        Hi Godschild,

        In all honesty he pays no attention the only people who would use the term agoraphobia are professionals. He thinks its a choice that I stay in as does everyone else. I make excuses all the time, lost my friends through it and it gets frustrating and lonely at times but you have to get on with it. No one really has a clue that I dont see other people or any of it because theres no one there to give a d**n. Kids dont care they get on with what they are doing and are quite happy. It is weird the more I am away from people the harder i find it be around them. I don’t want to drag people into my drama and I dont want to be the toxic friend because of what goes on at home. I guess I find it easier to be alone, people get scared when he kicks off and if he loses it he don’t care who is there. He once reduced my friend to a gibbering mess when he turned on me and I never want to see that again. I felt so awful she stuck round for a while after out of obligation but then slowly drifted away. I miss coffee mornings and standing at the school gates and conversations that are not centred around him, but that is all in the past now and you just have to get on with it x

    • #13744
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Hi, big hugs! Call NHS England and tell them your story and how serious your situation is. They may make a fuss about the bad treatment you received. You should have social services involved and you should have a qualified counselor for your support. There are people who get indefinite counseling and others get nothing. This system is utter bs. It is so wrong that you have to depend on an abuser. You need help to get away from him and live a better life. Tell them that your life depends on getting out and that you need all the support possible.
      I have nothing but bad experiences with mental health nurses. You need to take your complaints to a higher level. These people are a joke. They call themselves mental health nurses but they understand nothing.
      Would it not be nice if there was a huge estate in every big city where only women who escaped abuse live, where we could all live together and support each other? Only we understand what we go through. The outside world, even professionals, are just continuing the abuse that we tried to escape. And they isolate us, silence us, scare us, threaten us. We do not even have groups where we can go and meet up. Drug users and alcoholics have meetings, but abused women have nothing.
      I searched for groups, but there is nothing in the whole wide area. And the government now shuts all the feminist places down as well, so that there is nothing left for women support each other.

    • #13806
      Ayanna
      Participant

      How are you today? x*x

    • #13818
      godschild
      Participant

      Hi, I feel a bit stronger today, still wobbly inside and upset but coping better. I asked in another post how you are , hope you feel a bit stronger, its horrible when you feel you are being sucked under by emotion but somehow we stay afloat.
      I have had a social worker out and they did a risk assesment and beacause he has only ever hit me once and its emotional, verbal, throwing things, threat, smashing my possesions , im not at high risk, my mental state obviously does not count, they ticked all the boxes and closed the case.
      What is NHS England, I have triesdot get proper help form NHS but its all what I call micky mouse councelling, very shot term and very superficial and they dont have a clue about DV.
      I did find a Lady who does councelling over the phone and she does DV counceliing so when Im finished with WA I will contact her for support, you have to pay but as I dont work although he does I hope to get it at the lowest rate.
      Agree about the huge estate in every City, wouldn’t that be wonderful where we could al support each other.
      Stay strong x

    • #13822
      Ayanna
      Participant

      NHS England is for complaints. They complain on your behalf and follow the complaint through. They helped me so much yesterday when I was unable to properly articulate what was going on in my head.
      I wish I could find a telephone counselor. I do not know why all is so blocked up whatever I try.
      I am glad you feel stronger.
      I am still struggling.
      I hope you can get out one day. All these services are so useless. They are far from up to date with their knowledge. It is so annoying. x*x

    • #13827
      godschild
      Participant

      I will send you a private message with the details of the one I fond last night, she also does skype, which we dont have , but may look into it as it makes it feel more personal if you can see the person, I will send you her website, she also covers mental health issues.
      I know exactly what you mean about everything being blocked, its the story of my life !

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