Feel like giving up

[Littlepixie]

Trying desperately to get out of this house. Went to see 2 properties (detail removed by Moderator). 1st one was awful. Felt really grubby & the house next door looks derelict. 2nd house was lovely but there were several other people looking at it. I knew we’d no chance & I looked online earlier and it’s Let agreed. It would have been perfect as it’s close to (detail removed by Moderator). My daughter is coming up to really important (detail removed by Moderator) & won’t stay in the house when my husband is here. I have avoided him. I’m staying upstairs when he is here & not going downstairs unless he’s out. I wish we’d have got him arrested the other week when the police came to the house. Then we’d have the house.
I’ve an appointment with housing executive this week. I’ve never claimed & or had to look for housing. What do they ask? I told the girl my situation but in reality I’ll probably not be very high up the list. I feel like just giving up & living here but I can’t do that on my daughter yet my son would be happy because he obviously doesn’t want to leave the house.

[Bananaboat]

Is the housing executive via the council? Similar story to you, police visit, living upstairs, child isolating from him etc led to me being entitled to be classed as a homelessness application. Still took a few months but was faster than a standard application and allowed us to escape his clutches x

[Littlepixie]

Yes it’s through the council. It’s a points system and I know in my area social housing is hard to get as lots of people now own their houses. We have some lovely new builds going up but I’m sure they are all allocated already.
What questions did they ask you? This is all completely new to me as we own our house but he’ll not leave it. I’m glad you got out x

[Bananaboat]

I originally submitted a standard application which took something like 6-8 weeks to be reviewed and got banded as the lowest level, so I carried on trying to find a private rental but when I phoned the council and asked about dv / homeless application only then did they say I was eligible to apply under that. I was then bumped up to band 2 or silver (depends on area). I then still had to bid and bide my time. It’s also worth noting that housing association criteria might differ to your local council’s eg maximum wage. So my advice would be to specifically ask about a homeless application, don’t assume they’ll automatically grade you as it. I know it’s scary and you might feel like you’re not homeless but my council were so lovely & supportive and convinced me this was there to help exactly ppl like us. They also totally understood when I had to end calls because he’d randomly show up or I’d have to fit them around school runs to cover up. Good luck x

[Littlepixie]

Thank you. My women’s aid support worker should be calling me later so I’m going to ask her advice. I just don’t want to end up in an awful house that my son won’t want to live in. There are only about 2 private rentals coming up in my area. The 1 I went to see I couldn’t let my children live in. It was really run down even though the estate agent said it had been repainted. The other one I haven’t been to but looks worse inside. I know I can’t be too fussy but in order to make this work I need a half decent house that my son will be happy to live in. Thanks again for your advice xx

[swanlake]

Thinking of you. I would hope that police records and reports of how your husband’s behaviour is affecting everyone would get you some more points and a lovely safe home more quickly.
There might be some way to get an injunction to keep your husband away from the house. It’s something that I’ve yet to look into. I still own a property with my abuser that they are refusing to leave or sell and I’ve been scared to rock the boat. But if I did take control and force a sale I’d also look into getting an injunction so that a purchaser would have vacant possession and I’d know that my abuser wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near me. I’m somewhere in the process of investigating Legal Aid for all this.

[Littlepixie]

Yes I want to try and get out of here before I do anything about the house. My son adores his dad so I don’t want to turn him against me. I think he understands how I feel and this will hit him the hardest. I’m terrified he’ll stay with him & not come with me. His dad is away during the week so couldn’t look after him anyway but he’s always said he’ll change jobs & keep our son.

[Allornothing]

Processes will be different depending on which Council you are with, just the same as the people that you deal with will be different. There is good and bad all over but I thought I would just give an insight into my experience. The housing officer at the Council was somehow able to see the amount of times the police were called to my home (not sure how and she didn’t explain but I did feel this worked to my advantage), the down side was that she constantly told me to private rent as temporary accommodation was expensive – this attitude continued the whole time I had dealings with her, but the other support services I was using hounded her as she had clearly dismissed me as I was working full time, however I was eventually put on the bidding system and am now in my (hopefully) forever home.

Please do push to get yourself free, living upstairs is no way for anyone to live and it seems more and more people seem to be experiencing this, yet the sh!theads get to chill downstairs! Sending love xx

[Littlepixie]

The police have only been here (detail removed by Moderator). My neighbour must have called them when she heard him shouting. I was stupid and just told the police that he’s a very bad temper. I didn’t tell them how scared I was although I was shaking and crying when they arrived. In hindsight I should have got him arrested but I was trying to stop my son from hating me which would have happened if he’d have been arrested. I think I might have to contact a solicitor soon and see if I qualify for legal aid. Thank you for your advice xx

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