Feel like I need some help again, sorry

[Eve1]

I thought I was being so brave and clever meeting my ex’s family but today I feel terrible. His Mum’s voice is in my head bringing back the feeling I used to have. All the pushing everything of myself down. I shouldn’t have gone. She talked for 2 and a half hours turning everything back to herself. I’m trying to write down how I feel in a book at the moment. Going to write this down and try to remind myself not to do it again. Also I’ve realised how triggered I feel when my daughter talks about her dad to me. I also saw my dad yesterday. Felt so terrible today.

Horrible

xx

[Knots]

You don’t have to put yourself in situations that make you feel so bad. You need to give yourself time and space to begin to heal. I suspect you are trying to be fair to others, but at the moment the best thing you can do is be kind to yourself.
You talk about writing down some of your feelings, do you think you could do it here, where people understand and can offer insight from their own experience. What is it specifically that is causing you to feel so horrible? I can imagine, but actually articulating it can be really helpful, if you fee able.

[Jupiter]

Hi Eve 1

I understand where you are coming from and yes it is a difficult situation balancing fairness to others but needing

self protection too.Agree with Knots that writing on forum brings support and reduces isolation but writing in a notebook is helpful too-it really does decrease the mental turmoil or pain.

It is really hard to be reminded and triggered by our abusers when children are involved.My grown sons and small grand daughter chat about dad or grandpa and I find it disturbing.I remind myself that kids dont do this on purpose as they are too young to know the effects on us.I try and think that one day little one might see my abuser in his true colours.If you think back to your own childhood you know that you were aware of people’s characters by a certain age telling you if they were sincere or not.By the time I was late primary school age I saw that my mother was not kind like my friends’ mums, bringing insight about human abusive behaviour.As someone posted here once

we can bide our time being good role models to our youngsters,knowing that this will pay off in time teaching our
kids who is safe and who isnt.The abuser will come off worst in the end.
Jupiter

[Eve1]

Thank you both, I do so much better the more
I keep away from my ex and his family.

I never would have believed that after all these years of being out, I would still be suffering from the effects of his abuse.

xx

[Suntree]

Sending hugs

[Author]

Posts