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hi im having a bad day he pops into my head every morning upon waking up …i miss him so much, keep getting this feeling in the pit of my stomach at the same time, feel so alone without him even tho i have my family around me ….only been apart for (detail removed by moderator) weeks should i have moved on by now?
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Hi, I know exactly how you are feeling. I’ve been out over (detail removed by moderator) months now and he is still the first think that pops into my head every morning. We are trauma bonded to our abusers. Please do not contact him. Going “no contact” is the only way you start to recover. Distract yourself with whatever helps you to chill out. I did Mindfulness through an app. Read everything you can about Domestic Abuse, it all starts to make sense when you realise what happened to you. I probably left my ex 7 or 8 times before I finally broke free. Speak to someone at WA and your GP. Try and get on a Domestic Abuse awareness programme, I did mine through my local council. Keep posting on here, it really was a lifeline for me and all the ladies are fantastic, very knowledgeable.
You can do it, I promise you.
KOTB -
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I’m not going to post how long it took me to get him out of my head because it was a long time.
Meditation helped me a great deal here. He was like a mental space invader – so I learnt how to put him out.
It’s normal to miss him, it’s normal to miss anyone we lose and there is a hole where this person once was. So part of it is about filling this hole with other things, things you want to do.
Sometimes people go back to try and stop the feelings of loss, because they feel unbarable at times – not the answer though.
Be with how you feel yes, but promise yourself I won’t act on these feelings.
Learn to respond to your feelings and the self; make sound choices.
It’s a process, a letting go process hey; you no doubt had hopes and dreams, so time to reflect and let go of these is needed; so that new hopes and dreams can grow.
The heart often takes a bit more time to catch up with the head x
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The first few months are do hard, but I promise you it gets better. I have no regrets about being g free, but in the beginning it hurt so much.
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A day at a time Worrywart.
Give to yourself all that you can, you need to be kind to yourself and have the time ans space to grieve the loss of all you hoped for, and lost.
It takes time for you to process. It will pass but will be hard on you.
I wish you every strength …baby steps…do keep posting and pulling on your support to really get your recovery going
Warmest wishes
TS
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I’m sorry you are feeling like this and, like others, have enormous sympathy. Sometimes I miss him so much that the urge to want to get in touch, but someone kindly advised to make sure I post here first if that happened. The advice to read up is good and I’m learning so much. Sometimes it makes me think of him more though and I wonder if it’s keeping me obsessed but overall it does help in that it makes things to slot into place especially when you find something that particularly resonates with your experience. Cycling through all the emotions from wanting him to being angry I’m sure must be part of the healing process. I’m still new to it myself so I don’t know but you are assuredly not alone in the way you feel. This forum is one of the best things and full of people who are knowledgeable and kind. I hope you come through soon and I hope to join you when you do x
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Just wanted to send you a virtual comforting hug, WW. It’s so very painful, we know. My ex left me some months ago. I wrote him letters in the beginning that I’ve never given him. The first were very sad, trying to plead with him, beg him to understand, bargaining with him to stop abusing me and loving me instead. Some of them have weird out-of-place questions in them like we were still a couple and I’m asking for permission to do things for myself so as to not be so lonely. I’ve stopped writing letters to him now, the latest ones were full of quite a lot of anger. I got the idea from therapeutic letters, so they aren’t actually meant for him to ever read but they’re meant as an outlet for me. These days they help me when I miss him because the angry ones remind me of all the things he put me through, of all the excuses he had, justifications for everything, how I truly believed I was the abuser because he said so… It helps when missing him becomes too much, but sometimes I just let myself cry. Because I love him and I really wanted that life and future with him when he was playing nice. It’s still very ingrained in me that I wasn’t good enough for him. Perhaps it could help you to write some of your feelings down. Write down the abuse as well and how it made you feel.
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