Feel like I’m going crazy :-(

[Blondexxxx]

Don’t even know what do about the moment but feel like I need to talk to someone other than friends as they all just probably fed up of the same thing 🙁

My ex left on (detail removed by Moderator) (I told him to leave my house as he was going mad at me (detail removed by Moderator) )
He was accusing me of cheating so I said just get out and go back to your mums, he always pushed me across the (detail removed by Moderator) floor about (detail removed by Moderator) times
Why wouldn’t I say leave ?! 🙁

He took his stuff and left and since then I have felt so sick I not got out of bed, I keep crying and going over everything
Why does he think I’m cheating when he can see my location I only go to work and back

Why did I tell him to leave etc etc

I phoned in sick (detail removed by Moderator) at work as I couldn’t even face being there I keep crying and I have that horrible knot feeling in my stomach it’s awful

He ended up turning up for the rest of his things! Came in acting normal!! So I asked why has he done all this to me again!

He started blaming me for everything saying what partner records their boyfriend ( on (detail removed by Moderator) he was drinking again and wouldn’t leave me alone kept coming upstairs calling me a cheat, pulling the covers off me saying I’m old and past it!
He was smoking weed as well which I believe can make you paranoid so I put my phone on record it was (detail removed by Moderator) I had work and I honestly thought he might do something to me in my sleep he was that mad sayinf im a cheat

So apprently I’m this horrible girlfriend because I recorded him and I can’t be trusted!!

Then at Christmas I bought him (detail removed by Moderator)
He told me the (detail removed by Moderator) was the c**pest present he’s ever got and didn’t like it!
So I had until (detail removed by Moderator) to return it so I did!
So when he found out he said I was a scrubber who probably returned it to spend the money on myself and then he ripped up some expensive clothes I bought him into pieces! And threw in the bin!

I didn’t spend the money it was £(detail removed by Moderator) credit note they gave me back on an email and I never said anything because he hasn’t spoke to me all week calling me names!

So (detail removed by Moderator) all he’s said is how can he be with someone who he can’t trust!? Who sends his (detail removed by Moderator) back and records him!

Yet he is forgetting that he told me the (detail removed by Moderator) was awful and I only recorded him because he was off his head and I was worried

Now he’s blaming it on me sayinf im crazy he never touched my phone and I’m a liar and making it up
I kicked him out and I neee to stop feeling sorry for myself and crying to everyone when it’s all fake?!

I feel Heartbroken??!!
He’s accusing me of cheating when I don’t do nothing wrong and he was messaging his ex back in (detail removed by Moderator)! Every time we fall out he messaged someone else!
How can he even blame me for anything

I feel sick like I’m having a break down 🙁
I do love him so much why can’t he just be normal

I just can’t stop crying 🙁 x*x

I know I need to feel better not speak to him again and try be strong again but I feel so weak right now

We have a son together as well so on the way out he said I will be in contact to sort access abs then drove off calling me crazy and leaving me in tears x*x

[KIP.]

Have you googled trauma bonding? These men enjoy destroying us and the only way to recover is absolutely zero contact. It’s like breaking a drug habit. I’d now block him on absolutely everything. If he wants access to his child he can do this through a solicitor. I’d also talk to your local women’s aid. It’s going to be a real painful withdrawal but he simply doesn’t love or care for you and nothing you can do will change that. Abusing you is also child abuse. Nobody who cares would abuse the mother of their child in that way. He will be expecting you now to run after him and give his ego a big boost. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Do not listen to a word he says. It’s all lies and verbal salad purely designed to destabilise and hurt you. He’s the one who will just keep moving the goal posts.

[gettingtired]

Hey I’m sorry to hear you’re having a horrible time.
He sounds like my partner who uses drugs and has come into the bedroom before when I’m asleep and woken me up like this. It’s horrible and leaves you feeling so anxious.
Mine has also criticised presents I’ve gotten him in the past saying what cr*p I got him when he spent xyz on me. I didn’t understand why he did that at the time but I’ve realised over the years I became more anxious when it came to present buying and the last birthday he had I spent more than I should have just to keep him happy.
I’m sorry I can’t offer much advice as I’m still stuck with him and trying to leave but all I can say is these men won’t change. I know you desperately want things to be ok and for him to come to his senses and change but the reality is it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry, I know it’s awful and I really feel for you with how upset you are today. If he’s left then can you use this opportunity to change the locks or get his key back (if that’s possible) and speak to Womens aid about keeping him away. I expect he’ll be back at some point and may try love bombing you to start over but it will only end in more hurt for you. I know it’s horrible and I’m so scared of being without mine even though he is vile at times. Have you googled trauma bonding? X*x

[Blondexxxx]

Yeah I googled trauma bonding Iv never heard of it before until now, it’s exactly how I feel and what I’m going through!

Iv bought a book on google which is helping me at night, I just keep crying thinking of the good things and maybe shouldn’t of done this or that

It keeps playing over in my head when he said it’s All my fault, I shouldn’t of done this or I shouldn’t of done that

But if I sat there and wrote the things down he did then stuff I did is so childish like (detail removed by moderator)
Yet he gambles all his money, takes drugs and drinks all the time, he’s even (detail removed by moderator) but he did pay me back the next day but still!

I just feel so low about myself, he’s gained weight and says why would I be interested in him anymore but I don’t even think like that I loved him no matter what

It’s like I’m made to feel guilty for looking after myself my hair my eyebrows etc he says it’s for someone else!
🙁 just don’t know how I even can sleep tonight I am just a mess x*x

[gettingtired]

That’s good that you feel the book is helping you. Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft is a real eye opener if you haven’t read that.
I feel like a hypocrite giving you advice as I don’t always take my own. It’s normal for you to think of the good times and think why didn’t you do something differently. What I’ve learnt on this forum is that nothing you do will ever make the abuse stop. So even if you’re thinking of an incident where he kicked off and you feel like if only you’d done xy or z it wouldn’t matter. And even if you did just submit to whatever he wanted, what sort of life is that for you?
Mine says exactly the same, he’s gained weight from drinking and moans saying I don’t find him attractive and never compliment him. I genuinely think he only compliments me now to then say that he’s complimented me and I haven’t for him! It’s confusing though as he can seem so genuine in the nice things he says or things he encourages me to do.
I’m sorry if I haven’t really helped much.
Have you been back to work yet? The distraction might help a bit x*x

[Blondexxxx]

Aww that’s the book I’m reading it really does make sense to everything he says to me
Blames his behaviour on being left (detail removed by moderator)
Yet his mum is who he relays on now for everything, money, his clothing, his car, now where he is staying

His mum said she did (detail removed by moderator) but he was well looked after and spoilt and wasn’t neglected like he told me

I never take advise I have been with him for (detail removed by moderator) and it’s always been him walking away from me making up excuses he was t happy and just leaving me with our son but then we always sort things out but this time I got my own house and he went to his mums but then started living with me and now he’s left again I just feel sick
Why can’t he just accept I’m not cheating but then if he’s just making up an excuse

It hurts so much because then there is nothing I can do
He is blaming it on the fact I recorded him now saying (detail removed by moderator), then said because he (detail removed by moderator) I owed him money back for it

I ended up just sending the money yewyeday through his bank
He didn’t unblock me or say thank you or anything but at least I can’t be accused of owing him money x

Just feel so lost but can’t go into work because I keep crying 🙁 thought it might help but the thought is making me feel like I cant breathe

Feel safer being at home but then just over think 🙁 x

[gettingtired]

He told you he was neglected to make you feel sorry for him. Mine had a story of how he was bullied and whilst it could be true I’m beginning to doubt a lot of what he’s said.
Do you work know what’s going on? Or your GP? Could you be signed off work for a week or something? Xx

[Blondexxxx]

I text work telling them I’m feeling sick and I have really bad anxiety
Iv told a few of the nurses how I’m feeling

I literally just want to lie in bed and cry 🙁

I don’t want to lose my job I spoke to my doctor who said happy to give me a note for a week off

Everyone keeps saying he does this all the time don’t worry about it he’s not worth it but it’s not as easy as that

Also he says the same he was bullied, was left out etc yet when I spoke to his mum (detail removed by moderator)

She text me (detail removed by moderator)
Basically hiding behind his mum, he has me on block
I’m feeling like Iv done something wrong and feel so ill and drained and he’s at his mums loving life no responsibility and our son keeps saying what time is daddy coming home 🙁

[Author]

Posts