Feel like i'm trapped in a cage

[Anonymous]

I feel like i’m trapped in a cage with steel bars and no hope of ever being free of him. I’m so unhappy but no one notices, i’m such an independent self reliant person, I actually hate myself for not being strong enough to withstand his relentless harassment when i leave that i come back so as not to cause my family trouble, i feel like i’m a burden on them sometimes.

Does anyone else feel like they are the crazy one and you can’t put into words the stuff they put your through and the fear they cause?

[lover of no contact]

Hi hopeforbetter,

Yes I do remember the trapped feeling. I thought I’m never going to get free from this relationship as I was married for (detail removed by moderator)

and I was trapped financially, emotionally (we had several children together), religiously (my beliefs and those I associated with were that marriage was for life, that one should forgive husband’s failings (shouting etc), that I was probably not being a ‘good enough wife’ and thus he was behaving as he was because of me, I was trapped by my own nature (I was too forgiving, too loyal, too hardworking, too sacrificing).

Its a miracle looking back that I did get free from that cage of my abusive relationship. Especially since when I went to try to get free he bombarded me with the worst fear of my life (applying for the day- to -day care of my children) and he wanted me out of our house. I also had no family support (as they were both abusive themselves). But the reason I’m sharing my experience is that I did get free. And the greatest biggest thing that helped me was knowledge and education which you will get from this Forum. Knowledge and education about abusers and their patterns and behaviours is Power for us. You see I didn’t receive this education at school, from my church or from my friends. They all thought like I did that. In fact I thought a lot of the abusive behaviours were normal as my mother was an abuser and my brother copied her behaviours. My father had no awareness of what he was dealing with and was going around in the dark trying to deal with these crazy-making behaviours. As you say we feel like we are the crazy ones as our mind and emotions become unmanageable, due to living with their nasty/nice confusing behaviours, and we can’t put into words the stuff they put us through and the fear they cause.

But the education and the knowledge will be found by coming on here alot and reading the posts and posting as you need. Post about how crazy you feel. We’ve all been there. You’ll soon see that the craziness is a normal reaction to being abused or living with a crazy-maker. This Forum will shine a light on all the crazy and horrible behaviours of the abuser so that you will be able to make sense of them. You will see the abusers are not special. All their tactics and ways are predictable and similar. They all seem to use the same abuser handbook and go to the same abuser-school lol. In fact you will soon see they are very limited personalities (they only have 3 emotions, anger, jealousy and fury). They are boring underneath it all. The charm, the excitement, the goodness they portray is a sham and pretence, part of their façade.

You will come to see that they lack so much They will never feel true joy like we can. And you will come to see that you are good, kind, generous, have empathy in abundance, are creative, strong and possess all qualities that they lack.

You have come to the right place. Persevere on here, keep reading the posts very regularly and you will walk free from the abusive relationship within which you are you are trapped.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for those words, it does help reading other people’s experiences and helps give me strength that I’m not alone. You’re so right when you say about being too loyal, too forgiving, that’s my downfall but I just feel why do I have to be in absolute misery it’s my life i want better,

Soon hopefully I just wish he would let me go

[Author]

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