Feel like ive hit a brick wall

[Iamfree]

Hi ladies I’m new to this but would love if anyone could give me some advice on how I’m feeling and if its normal. I’ve been free for almost (Detail removed by Moderator) now with no contact throughout the whole time, I thought I was dealing with all the issues of what happened during the relationship and when I left I was so happy and getting my life back on track with a new home and feeling good in myself.
Over the last few weeks I feel like just hit a brick wall and all these emotions have hit me all at once and I don’t know how to deal with them.. its like the realization of all the years of abuse have just suddenly hit me and I began to start drinking heavily. I no drinking is not the answer an have stopped over the last couple of days. I’m just feeling numb and completely drained, as I’m sitting here writing this to you all I just wanna cry feel like I’m all cried out.

[KIP.]

Yes it’s normal. did you ever have proper counselling? You really need to get good counselling to sort out your thoughts and emotions. I found recovery was like the cycle of abuse. The honeymoon period then the anxiety then hit the brick wall. Then picked myself up and it all began again x

[Iamfree]

I am waiting for an appointment, do these episodes tend to get worse or does it ease off over time? as I was in the relationship for many years. Things are replaying over in my mind and its like my head is gonna explode and then I will start getting flashbacks, I don’t no if this is more painful then actually going through the abuse thank you for replying x

[KIP.]

I know that when I was being abused I was in survivor mode so my mind didn’t have the space to work out how much danger I was in. When we are free from abuse, our minds then have the space to try to work out what happened to us and how much danger we were actually in. At this point my mind went crazy with flash backs and intrusive thoughts and interrupted sleep. Good trauma counselling helped me and still does. Try to find out if there are any charities in your area that offer trauma counselling. Or if you can afford to go private then that’s the way I went. The NHS just didn’t have the tailored counselling I needed. It might be PTSD which is a horrible thing because just when you feel great and that you’ve got over it all, something will trigger you. Bringing you crashing back down. You need to learn through counselling how to deal with these overwhelming triggers. Keeping fit and reducing stress helps. Talking to someone who understands helps. Try ringing the helpline on here or contact your local women’s aid x

[Iamfree]

Thank you KIP for your helpful advice, just reading your reply’s makes me realise that I’m not going crazy and this is part of the healing process it has actually eased my anxiety slightly x

[freedomtochoose]

Yes, would say what KIP says is spot on. This thing has peaks and troughs and one of the hard parts is accepting the low bits and believing they will pass. And putting things in place so that when you hit a low point – you have things to fall back on. (hopefully not drinking too much, although don’t beat yourself up about that one, it sounds to me like it is just a phase). ..
all best
ftc
x

[Iamfree]

hi freedomtochoose thank you for your advice, I could see myself that I started to hit the self destruct button regarding the drinking but have stopped that instantly, I just felt like I let myself down by hitting the bottle again because I didn’t know if I was just overthinking things trying to tell myself it wasn’t as bad as it was which was letting him win after I have done so well for so many months. Now I know that what I’m feeling is normal I can start to turn the negatives into positives and get back on the right track x

[Ayanna]

You are not out long enough.
It takes years to recover.
I hope you get counseling soon.

Instead of drinking rather go for a long walk. Going outside eases the emotions and walking takes up some adrenaline. You will increase your serotonin levels when you see nice things outside, beautiful flowers, interesting buildings, …

It took me a long time to make myself go outside. I used to lock myself in for years. I still do it, but I have days when I can go out and distract myself. It always makes such a difference.

[KIP.]

Read some trauma books. The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. Practice mindfulness. Just know recovery is tough but you will get there. The first two years of freedom was way worse than any two years I spent with him. PTSD. Like soldiers when they get home from a war zone. That’s when their mental health goes crazy for many of them when the brain has the time to decipher what they’ve just been through and the body reacts to the danger. Like delayed reaction.

[Iamfree]

Thank you for all the kind comments and support it means a lot, I feel a lot better then when I woke up this morning and will definitely distract myself when things begin to get tough as this is the first time I’ve felt like this since leaving. I will also take full advantage of the counselling when my appointment comes through. Thanks again to everyone who replied xx

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