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Hi Shine, you have come so far. You have wonderful children who love and need your strength. There is a cycle of recovery like the cycle of abuse. You need to stay strong till this episode passes. Are you receiving councelling. I have spoken to the helpline when ive felt down and they really helped. Also, rape crisis have a helpline too x
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Dear Shine bright 2, I don’t know your story (sorry) but I know that there is light, goodness and normality at the end of the tunnel. I was in a massively dark, very mentally unstable place some months back due to my ex, now I’m in a hugely different place. I was a broken, very disturbed shell of a person. But now i’m doing just fine. Please try to keep it together. Try to speak to Womens Aid, sometimes things are not as bad as they initially appear or you don’t see solutions or other ways as you are too stressed to see clearly. For every problem there is a solution we can help you to find this.X*X
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Yes you can do this. My idiot is taking me to court. They just cant help themselves. Just take it one hour at a time. One day at a time. You have your own family. Your kids. You have yourself. You are stronger than you know. Next week you need to make ur list of things to do. For tonight, just be kind to yourself. Youre still recovering 🌷🌷🌷🌷
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You can do this, you will do this and you are doing this. You have all of our support. My heart goes out to you at this time. Please tell us how you feel and pick up the phone to the helpline they will help. There is always someone there to listen. He is not as strong as you would believe he’s actually really weak and insecure which is why he behaves like this. A real man does not have a point to prove. We all are holding your hand throughout this. Feel free to private message any one of us there are ladies who have been through this with children, who are going through this with children and have come out of the other side. I will pray for you xxxx
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Too much. Harrasment and staking…bailed…CPS dropped. Burglary…arrested..not enough evidence. Breaking non mol…bailed CPS dropped. Rape and assault….couldnt do it. Lost eveything for nothing.punished by Childrens Services. I love my kids ao much. They tell me i need to use ny support “network” to keep us safe….I have no network. I lost evrything when I left him Just alone in the world. Sometimes I want to cuddle them all thwn just sleep and stay asleep. He wins.
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Hi Shine Bright,
I’m glad you posted if you’re feeling this low.
I don’t know what help you’ve received recently, but it’s impossible to cope with it all alone. When you feel like you do, something is telling you to get more support.
It’s dreadful when we hit a low like that. I know, I’ve been there.
Shine Bright, can you move away and start over? The more distance from him the better. You have been through so much. You are a very strong person, that’s a fact.
Hugs X
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Thank u all. I got an interview for a job 500 miles away but was scared to go so far from evwrything I know. Im scared hes going to get back in my life some how.Im so tired.Its exhausting fighting the urge to self harm and to scrub. I turn on all the alarms at night and listen for sounds. I do my best to be a good mum and cuddle the kids and make them feel safe.. but Im too tired to carry on. This is what I know from seventeen til now.I used to have fight in me…he beat out of me. Know I have no family and no fight left.At last my kids are back in their own beds and now i am scared and alone.
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Hun, keep posting here. Still ring Rights of Women on Monday and talk to them. You need support. Also speak to Women’s Aid, you can get a case worker from them.
Do not give up. You have been doing well. Everything was very tough and you soldered through it. Just carry on and keep looking for support.
Do not worry about the alcohol. We all need that sometimes when things are so tough. Big hugs.
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Yes Shine Bright dont worry too much about the alcohol at the moment. I agree with what Ayanna said about sometimes we all need to let ourselves go and throw caution to the wind when times are tough. I believe its actually therapeutic to have spells where you get blotto, pig out to excess or something else like that. I’m currently sitting surrounded by chaos and mayhem in my house, I cannot be bothered to cook, clean, tidy or wash up, my house is a pigsty. I’m sitting scoffing family sized packets of crisps, chocolate and coke and do you know what, i don’t give a d**n, i’m b****y well enjoying it. Sometimes life is really difficult and stressful, there are huge highs and lows as we go through, at the moment you have having a really difficult time & its understandable that you feel so down. Try to treat yourself, take it easy & be calm. Things normally look very different a while later. X*X
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hey Shine Bright (your name always rings of hope and goodness for me! and you do shine bright through the worst of things).
I am so sad to hear how downtrodden you feel right now. Like everyone says, its inevitable you will have such sudden drops in energy/will to keep going and i remember all the kindnesses and supports and strengths you have shown me when i’ve been struggling. please take this time, when you feel this way, tohave your rests and be kind to you and your children they are your little miracles and there’s no doubt the love you have for them and the protection you show them. you are a wonderful family just as you are, there’s no need for him, but whenever you need support for you reach out and get it, and keeping trying hun thats all you can do right now. It does come a time when there is little you can do except get through each day hour and minute sometimes and ask for help. Baby steps, with patience for yourself.
It such a hard time, take a step at a time and know there are so many willing you on, even if you don’t have that ‘support network’ that is suggested! you have it here in bucketloads and more.
take care of you hun and wishing you every strength to just keep walking lovely.
warmest wishesKSxxx
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Oh Karma I missed you! Sometimes im scared to ask if people are ok because i want them to be so much. I wish that i cud magic evrything away for all of us.Im praying that things are ok for u.
Feeling rough as hell…..did even know what kinda alcohol to buy…so i just picked things that looked pretty! A mistake I think. He wud kill me if he knew even though he drank sometimes himself ..but more we smoked hass. Dont now cos dont need to.Just over whelmed child Protection review is next week and they are recommending it goes down to child in need because they say i got no real support from family and friends. Everything scaring me and i feel so lonely. Things didnt really work with womensaid worker. When i emailed an said i been upset cos he ia in my road and talking to my neighbours ahe just said..” is there anything specific womenaaid can help u with” she told me all abou when shee got stalked and everything…but felt like she didnt really care.
My GP is nice and he was amazing when he recorded all the scars but just dont feel able to make the initial step to ask for help.
Thanks for eveyones words….I hope i can keep going…i have definetely come far. Sometimes it makes wanna cry when i think about all the people on here and how everyone is hurting…but at the same time people here keep me going x -
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Hi Shinebright, I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down. Recovery is such a long process and not straightforward. You’ve clearly done a wonderful job in reassuring your children so that now you have space to yourself to process things. This is understandably very frightening and traumatic. I know it’s hard to reach out for help when you’ve been let down by professionals along the way. I guess if there’s a bright side to no further action it’s that you’re free to access counselling and begin healing. I cannot recommend my local rape crisis charity enough for their amazing counselling and support. It is worth taking the time to find that right fit for you. It’s crucial to feel safe. I really don’t think it’s possible to endure what you have and heal alone. I know it wasn’t for me. I know very well the isolation of losing all your family as well, the feeling so alone and adrift with no safe anchor. With time and support you’ll become that safe base for yourself just as you are for your children. You’re a pioneer for your community and will no doubt be inspiring other women and girls to be as courageous as you, but that is also a lonely place to be. We all stand with you. What happened to you matters to us x*x
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Gosh…those words mean so much…but youre right it is lonely. For me night time is bad….it was place of torture and worthlesssness. My children have just started sleeping back in their beds after break in and him being outside the house, so im trying to keep the bedroom a peaceful and calm space…not that easy with so many kids!! I think i am making small steps. The police have been brilliant and have said they will arrest him even if he breaks the non mol in the tiniest way Im also condiderinf an op ti try and fix my hearing where he hit me. Small steps isnt it…but still away to go. I photograph thw house once a week then compare each photo to make sure that nothing is.moved…silly.
“An inspiration” im going to print that and frame it! Not really…but its avery nice thing to say.I always feel like everytgings no that bad…that i dont really need and help..i xan manage….but i think i might be wrong. I hope I can impress social services enough next week. Thank u all for giving me strength. I wish i cud meet u all because this is the first time i think i might be able to let someone hug me.
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..i think I might be able to let someone hug me…
You saying this must make you realise how far you havecome?
Every time i hear you speak on here I am reminded of what a caring protective mumyou are, wonderful woman and what you already got behind you the huge steps youve taken .
I know for myself the awful feeling of having your experience in any way lessened or doubted when it so hard to say anything or reach out in the midst of all the pain shok horror andhead spaghetti of it . Itnever changes what happened though . Your fear is protection for you and your chikdren and the traumayouve all experienced
Nightimes: a big deal for us all I reckon. When theresnothing to distract any more combine with tiredness (exhaustion!) and the traumas and aloneness isa powerful combination foranyone to deal with! Know that you have many herewilling you on! Trying to be company and hoping foryou when you run out of hope for yourself .
I used to make big nests forus to snugle in and read bedtime stories in and try ti make a real big comfort zone out of night routines but i I would have to removemyself from it to sleep alone to save witnessing my nightime terrors. Also we would do camping in the lounge just annything really that worked.
Big (((hugs)))
Its possible on here to personal message others to see if anyone is in your area that you feel comfortable to meet up wit. Do u go to any groups like FP or other support groups where others might benefit from meeting up too?
Just remember small steps. Being alone suffering traumahavibg traumatised kids an your own terrors to deal with makes for a powerful combination for anyone to manage . Find all the comforts and calms that you can.
Warmest wishes ks x*x
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Hey karma…thats so true. When i was first cam on here people use to send hugs and i thought…nooo..even the words made me shudder..made me think of him touching me after beating me up. U know the bestbthingbi got from leaving him is the love in our house. The kisses and cuddles ant ime that i canngive to my kids without having to be worrying about him. We are so.much closer. We are peaceful.
I mostly ok in the day but at night i relive things. After we got broke in there was a nice police guy who i seen before and he asked me why i didnt press charges for rape. Its in my head what he said to me ” you should be grateful” and i thought maybe a jury wud look at me and think…yeah. i relive those words and the things he did. I wish i could speak to rape crisis but i cant. I started a statmwntvwith police who were really kind but ive kind of shut down again.
Peoples comments here keep me going so much. There are many times when people here helped me not self harm or not go back.
Thank u all.
Karma hope u r doing ok…ur such a powerful influence u help.me stay strong…..sending a tiny beginners hug! -
Thank you. Felt like a big hug this end and very welcome.
Again sounds like you are moving through each thing and knocking it down as you go along. I think because it doesnt all happen at onceeach step of progress can go unnoticed when so important to mark them cos eacj can be so hard to get through .
Keep going there and noticing the times you are enjoying now.
Me…ok I guess …up and down still. But moving, edging forward I think/hope.
Warmest wishes
KS x*x
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HEy Hun
Sorry to hear u feeling low, but u not what this is just going to make u so much stronger, u many not have family that support u, but we are like a second family to u even though we have not met, whenever u need support post on here, we are here tos upport u. U r doing a brill job with yourself and your kids. I know u will get days when u feel alone and miss the ex side of family as theey were part of your life for so long, but u dont want a family like that hun that cant put your feelings first. That family just hurt u and supported him even after u open up. I know that hurts nbut u r so better of without them , if u can still apply for that job just go for it hun, or apply for another one . REcovery does take time, i think u came on to this site shortly after me , but u will get there and in times noght time will get easier for u, all the precautions u are taking arew normal and in place to protect u and your children, i live on my own with kids and i always am on alert at night for any sounds, these are all normal reactions, aftewr been burgled its natural to set all the alarms on
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