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It makes me so angry and sad that my ex has no idea what he’s done to me. Remained in contact for a long long time after splitting, while he continued to emotionally abuse and control me. (detail removed by Moderator) I had enough; no contact. He rang non stop for over (detail removed by Moderator), then turned up, left threatening messages, I didn’t answer. Later (detail removed by Moderator) threatened to return and again in the evening. Eventually softened and said he just wanted to talk so I did via text only. He’s convinced I’m doing this coz I have another guy. I wish he’d understand what he’s done, I’m a mess. He’s now agreed to leave me alone and I’m broken. I’ve gone from petrified to sobbing. Because now there’s an emptiness. What he’s been in my life for the last few years is pretty much all there is in my life. No one else rings. I’m left feeling, so now what? I don’t feel like I’ll recover. Deep down I just want him to be different and give me a cuddle. That sounds so pathetic. And he would, he’d be nice, and just like that he’d go back to controlling me. I feel so low right now, so broken, I don’t know what to do with myself.
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You will recover from this. Zero contact is the first step and report him to the police because this is harrassment. Abusers isolate us and they become our whole world so there’s going to feel like a big void but that will slowly be filled with good positive healthy things. Abusers will push us off a cliff then rescue us so we begin to look to them for our safety and validation. It’s so twisted but that’s abuse. He knows exactly what he’s done to you and continues to do but he simply doesn’t care. It’s all about him and he won’t leave you alone. Abusers are liars so don’t believe a word he says it’s all mind games. Zero contact x
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He definitely knows what he’s done!
I’m sorry you feel that way. I think this is part of the process. Wouldn’t it be weird if you were all merry and fine after all you’ve been through? Let yourself feel what you have to feel. Also, try to see a psychiatrist, not just any (detail removed by Moderator) counselor, but someone who will actually listen and support you, and who has experience. (PS: some of them are bad, some are true gems)
Remember you are your own human being, there are plenty of things you can do with yourself. The most important is to keep zero contact with your ex-abuser, that he harassed you and coerced you into texting is bad. Zero contact is zero contact, and it is indeed the only way. With time and distance, you’ll start to realise everything he actually put you through, and you’ll be impressed with your resilience.
Perhaps start writing a list of things you’d like to do and hobbies you enjoy (eg: paint nails, face masks, watch a movie, buy yourself flowers, go for a walk, go for brunch on your own etc.). Once you’re ready, when you have the energy pick one activity and go for it! And enjoy your own company, or go with friends and enjoy theirs. Either way, you’ll remember that your company or your friends’ is very enjoyable, and that you’re an independent human being.
Lastly, you seem to want a cuddle? It doesn’t have to be him, it can be a friend (they don’t ring because they might not know! but it doesn’t mean you can’t ring them), or even yourself. I used to hold my own hands when I was losing my mind, I talked to myself, when I have panic attacks I naturally curl up in a ball and hug my legs with all my strength. It’s always help. The one person I really need is me. Just to say you are also a person who can bring you comfort. You don’t actually need him. So take care xx
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